Anton Through The Looking Glass

Even though everything seems to be working out right on the path to reach your goals, there will be difficult and challenging days.  Sometimes it is because the work required is more than the energy you have.  Sometimes you are tired of spending every ounce of your emotions.  Sometimes, it is difficult to know that as much love as you have given, it isn't near the amount you wish to give.

At times I look at the mirror wondering on which side of the glass I am.  Do I remember who I am, or do I become an image; a mere shadow of the real me?  I want so much to accomplish my goals, but they are often distant and all the more difficult to achieve.  I confess to having days where I could sit and cry all day long.  The pain of being distanced from loved ones, the pain of having so far to go, and the pain of being less than what I aspire to be all surround me.

I don't dare to complain.  The blessings I have received are far greater than that I deserve.  Nonetheless I want to be more.  I want those blessings to mean something.  In no way should my pains and difficulties give the appearance of depressions or self pity.  All I mean is that the path I tread, like the paths trodden by each individual is a very difficult one.  Seeing how far I have to go makes me realize I will never do it alone.  Thank goodness there is help along the way.  Many of our paths meet in places we did not expect.  In the end we may find we are all going the same direction.  Some of us will be standing, others sitting, or falling.  Let us take courage together to raise up and move forward.  Progression is so much easier when help is near.  We will always have help.  There is one who knows what path we have taken.  He knows where we are on the path, what we are doing, and what we are thinking.  He has been in every situation and He conquered every one.  If anyone can show us the way forward it is Him.  Christ is our friend and guide.  We will never be lost so long as we ask for His assistance.

My near future holds many difficult challenges.  I seek courage in the refuge of family, friends, and God.  With them in sight the future looks bright, and that makes all the difference.

Love

LOVE

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words

Frontiers

New, Undiscovered, Change, Different, Unknown......These five words will all at one time or another be part of our lives.  It doesn't matter how prepared you are for the future, the future will change and eventually you will be asked to do something "blindly".  I consider such acts, acts of faith.  Why is it that we are so afraid of the unknown?  Are we all so pessimistic to believe that an unknown or unplanned future automatically means and unhappy or unsuccessful future?

Working in a scientific laboratory has helped me to become comfortable with the unknown.  Many times I wonder if I've done a procedure right or if the results looked good.  How do you measure the success of something done for the first time?  Many times we are happy to see anything just because it means the procedure has potential to work.  Other times we actually have an idea of what we should see.  I have learned to be patient because many times I had the correct results, but I couldn't see them yet.  Its so entertaining to run experiments with steps that span more than one day because one day I can be completely convinced of a failure only to return the next day to find that the laboratory fairy placed results over night.

Even in the lab there are some principles that apply to life in general:

1. A perfect standard helps us to see where we are and where we could be.
2. Many washings are necessary to prepare for the ideal state
3. If marked correctly we can be noticed amongst the millions
4. If you don't see anything its because you still need to wait or something else needs to happen, something is there....trust me
5. The slightest deviations from protocol can have an adverse effect on the desired outcome
6. You can't always do things exactly how you want to, unexpected things happen, many times there is nothing you can do about it.  Just move on and figure a way around it.
7.  If the results are not what you expected that is not necesarily a bad thing, many of the best discoveries are complete accidents.

Typical Entertainment

What do you do when you get bored?  Do you allow your brain to be sucked out by the species known as "screens"?  Or do you get into mischief trying to create your own fun?  Every day is different for me, but for your entertainment I will share with you a little of mine.  I was being convinced that I should eat dinner when I decided to get my entertainment for the night.  The following is a online chat conversation between my very patient and beautiful girlfriend and myself:

"(Getting down on one knee), addressing her by her full name........will you...."- Me

"I'll log off"- Her

"pray with me tonight?"- Me

":)  Yes, I'll pray with you tonight after you eat!!!"- Her

"(Still on one knee)"- Me

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"-Her

"And will you study scriptures with me too?"- Me

"Yes"- Her

"Ok, maybe, just maybe I'll survive this hurt knee then." -Me

"?"
"Your knee is hurt?"
"I'll kiss it better" -Her

"Why do you think I got down on one knee?  The other one is hurt!" -Me

"Hahahahahahahahahaha" -Her


Well, I thought it was fun enough.  Just a few words of caution, make sure you know your audience....this could go horribly wrong.  :p

Sabotage??

I've finally come to the conclusion that my lab is under attack.  Though our research, experiments, and the entire facililty for that matter take tremendous efforts towards maintaining a high level of security, we must have been infiltrated.  There is just too much evidence mounted against coincidence.  Here are some of the many "solid" evidences:
Exhibit A (This sounds familiar)- The doors continue to be uncooperative.
Exhibit B - Sneezes occur at the least convenient time, contaminating the data and potentially destroying the experiment.
Exhibit C- Nobody needs to go to the bathroom until the part of the experiment that is time sensitive.
Exhibit D- Experiments are running all by themselves (Nobody claims to have started the machine though it was set up, almost completely right)
Exhibit E- Acrylamide gels have become kamikaze,  throwing themselves to the bottom of the sink and working their way down the drain thwarting all attempts to complete experimentation.
Exhibit F- There has been a long gigantic quiet in the world of scientific conspiracies for some time (in other words, its about time one surfaced).

This having been said, everything is a conspiracy..... but seriously we have had some strange mishaps in the lab.  If you want more details, you'll have to ask.  Most of the stories are actually quite hysterical.  Funny....but wrong......(or not).  Good night!!

Poetry

I'm not skilled at a lot of things, but today I felt like poetry.  Enjoy.

Surprises loom 'round every corner
The good we see
The good we feel
It raises us anew

Soon clouds will bring us grey
Then trials and pains
Tears and frowns
These also we must do

Don't give up
The wind will blow
The sun will reappear
And happiness will ring most true

-Anton

Yummy....feet?

When I was in high school I was terribly afraid of public speaking. I was terrible at it. It came to the point where I either had to fix the fear or start bringing a paper bag. I chose to work on becoming a better speaker. I enrolled into two clubs: Speech and Mock trial. Between the two I finally became a decent speaker and I increased my vocabulary significantly because elegant words came easier. In Mock trial I learned of the importance of saying what you mean and realizing the ways your sentences and phrases can be misunderstood or misinterpreted. In other words, beware of double meanings. I thought I had learned my lesson. Not so.

Tonight I graced myself with a beautiful foot in mouth situation. Yup, a nice, yummy, chewy foot. Since I arrived in Boise to do my internship I have attended a local singles Family Home Evening (FHE) every monday night. This last Friday there was a party with the same group. While I was there a girl walked in somewhat late. Many at the party addressed her by a nickname I can only assume was meant in a derogatory context. For sake of making this experience unpersonalized we will say that name was "Bob".

This evening for an activity we were playing ultimate frisbee. Said girl was not playing but the frisbee almost hit her several times. Trying to be polite I wanted to tell her to duck down but I didn't know her real name. I tried on several occasions to get her attention so I could figure out her real name. I even asked around a little bit, but to no avail. Near the end of the night I finally got her attention. "Hey, what's your name so I don't have to call you "Bob"?", I asked. Oops, how did that slip out? What's your name would have been sufficient. Disgrace flushed her face and she immediately walked out of the building. Unfortunately some in attendance must have known the punch line because laughter and ooooooos filled the room. Let me tell you, feet do not taste good, so don't put them in your mouth. On a happier note I finally found out what her name was, though she will probably never show her face, and if she does she will avoid me at all costs. So to "Bob", sorry I'll never say it again.

Getting Older

Remember swinging at the park, going up and down on the teeter totter, and flying down the slide? How about running for no apparent reason? Games of tag, kick the can, hopscotch, jump rope, tetherball, and red rover. We live an incredibly active life as youth. Why can't we go to the park anymore? What is it that keeps us from going? I noticed today that I have fallen victim to something called aging. A process by which I lose the ability to react as quickly and my jokes stop being funny. Today I pulled out in front of a car thinking I would have enough time to get going. In my defense, my car has had trouble accelerating lately. Nonetheless it made me aware that I should be a little more careful. Yay for me.

The Small and Insignificant

There are so many small and insignificant things in the world we live in. The feel of the carpet to the bare foot. The gentle breeze from a fan hidden somewhere not readily noticable. As I turn of the lights and the glow from my laptop stretches out, stars appear on the ceiling. I could spend an entire lifetime in a single room and call it my universe. The thread of the carpet is small and insignificant to what I feel and observe. Yet it is there and without it, it wouldn't be the same. Outside of this room there are more rooms each with similarly small and insignificant components to themselves. To someone else, this may be a universe. So the scales continue to roll back one by one, until I am the small and insignificant, perhaps less noticeable than the thread of carpet or the sparkle that appears as a star on my ceiling. So big, then so small. When will I discover it all? Do I care about the threads and the sparkles? Perhaps not as much as I should. I am noticable to some and to me spoiled in the attention I receive. So little I do. Thank you for noticing, I will try better to notice you. To God we are all noticed. As small and insignificant as we may seem He knows us all. He cares. He loves us. If only we could all care as much as He does. Have a great Sunday my nameless audience. Remember to tell those you notice that you care and that you love them.

Story time

Once upon a time there was a magical place and a magical time when things were not as they seemed. In such a magical place there was a hustle and bustle of many a person. They would all smile as they went on their way. Crossing one another here and there, it all seemed to have a robotic flow to it. Where it went and from whence it came was all in the eyes of the beholder. With so many people your neighbor constantly changed. In this magical place there was a funny tradition. Excitement boomed as this weekly tradition soon approached. They hopped and skipped a few hours before, then with great fury the tires would soar. Yay, yay, it has arrived! Happy "Don't have to work until Monday"!!! It seemed so exciting for most, but not all were so excited. In every story there is someone or something different than most. We meet a scrooge or a grinch, a hero or heroine (female hero??). In todays story we meet an unusual subject. In the hundreds that go from here to there, there is no excitement for this one... not to go anywhere. At work or at home, in transit or not...it doesn't matter, for it all seems the same. Hooray for "Don't have to work until Monday???", no not to him. He is all alone yet again. How ever will he survive the two days that lie between this week and next? Perhaps he will blog, or eat ice cream, or something else to make himself fat. Perhaps he will be more productive by cleaning, or sleeping, or fixing.... something like that. Luckily our story too has a hero. Through the waves of air that seperate this place from that; there our hero is, just doing what they do best. They are an encouraging word, a voice of concern, and a person who cares. They are love, hope, and beauty combined. Though distance there is, 'tis not greater than the comfort felt by the heart of a grateful boyfriend. Thank you my dear for just being you. This is my story, at least, until happily ever after...

Doors with personality

Have you ever paused to contemplate the major crisis it would be if all the doors united in rebellion? What if every door we used decided to have a mind of its own: opening and closing as it desired, as well as locking and unlocking whenever it pleased? We would suddenly have a very difficult day ahead of us. Imagine going to the refrigerator to get yourself some nice cold milk. Yeah, that's not gonna happen today. Work? Nope, you are gonna be locked inside. Who dares to take a shower? We are so dependant on doors. So now I can see you contemplating to yourself..."How in the world did he get on a rant about doors?" Well, believe it or not...the doors were in open rebellion against me today. Carefully weigh the evidence as I enlighten you with my experience. Exhibit A: I was awakened this morning when my aunts maid turned on the light. We both nearly died as the awkwardness of the situation settled in. THE DOOR WAS OPEN (I always close it at night). Exhibit B: At work we use magnetized cards to get into otherwise restricted laboratories. Two of my co-workers were having trouble getting in because the door simply didn't like them. Exhibit C: I arrived home from work to find the door locked (and I don't have a key) so I called my Aunt on the phone to get her to unlock the door. Soon I can hear her on the other side yell...."It is unlocked!" She tried locking and unlocking the door several times, wiggling the knob, even pushing and pulling on the door. I did the same on my side. Our efforts were in vain. I eventually had to go in a different door. What made the door lock that way? We still can't figure it out. Doors....I'm on to you. All those within observation of this blog, beware of your doors, their day draws nigh.

Cinnamon Rolls...Happiness rolled and baked to perfection

I love to bake; to bake, to cook, and to create flavors that can change an entire days outlook. Cinnamon rolls for a poor college student can represent a state of happiness not easily achieved elsewhere. It is a little bundle of joy wrapped again and again in sweet softness, drizzled with liquid smiles. No matter what kind of day you have at work, you can come home to those rolls you made, and they will be waiting...patiently. They don't judge you, have you complete impossible tasks, or wonder if you will fail. They are confident in you. You made them, so of course you can handle them. Having made them yourself you receive an extra dose of pride as you gulp down the delicious treat that will eventually clog your arteries. No guilt from this baker....I deserved my cinnamon roll today. I worked hard pushing figures around on paper and on excel trying to prepare the next experiment in our research project at the hospital. Down in the basement I am deprived of food and drink (they call it safety protocol) as an evil disguise for torture. As if this wasn't enough, they block the faintest glimpses of sunlight with curtains that look just like the electrophoresis gels I run day and night. Is it a coincidence? I think not. We are constantly reminded that our lives now revolve around the repetiveness of simple laboratory procedures and this blocks all hopes for joy or sunshine. Perhaps our work is just a cover for the real experiment. Maybe I am the lab rat. Regardless, I deserved my cinnamon roll.

Sometimes, Tuesdays are Mondays

Isn't it strange how the first work day of the week seems to bring dread with it? Monday is a day portrayed as a day of great mishaps, especially in Garfields world. Today was my Monday. It wasn't particularly a good day, but it started my week nonetheless. On a happier note, knowing my monday has passed, it only gets better from here on down to the weekend.

Patricia was here for yesterday. She had flown up for Valentine's Day weekend and I enjoyed spoiling her with Boise's best cuisine. Perhaps her absence was the worst of todays evils. I miss her terribly already. Tomorrow brings with it hope... the fire that drives all humanity. If we have no hope than we have lost everything. Looking into the future I have hope, hope that I will finally get to be with the one I love. Hope will keep me afloat.

Introduction

Here I am writing to a nameless audience. The next few months will be lonelier than most, not because I am alone, but because I will not be complete. What do you do when against all odds you are asked to seperate for a time from the one you wish to spend an eternity with? Could you do it willingly? Enter my life, a story so bizarre that it should be a novel. It seems like a romance/drama. Juliet is taken away and romeo fights desperately to await the moment when she will return to him.

Let me introduce my story from the beginning. Last May I took a roadtrip with two friends to go see a friend getting married in Texas. The three of us were attending Brigham Young University-Idaho in Rexburg, Idaho at the time. I was a groomsman, and my partners in crime: a bridesmaid, and the maid of honor. It was at the wedding reception that I met an enchanting young woman named Patricia. Near the end of the reception I approached her and muttered something to the effect of, "Can I have your digitals?" Despite the hideous approach I was rewarded with 10 numbers that forever changed my life. From that night on (with perhaps one or two exceptions in 9 months) we made it a habit to talk to each other. Patricia is from the great state of California, and I hail from the deserty Northeastern Oregon. Yup, you guessed it. A long distance relationship. It was definitely hard for me to open up, I had never been in a relationship before and a long distance relationship required a great deal of commitment, honesty, and pure communication. It wasn't long before we both found ourselves falling in love and looking to further our relationship.

After one of the few visits we shared together it became apparent that we were both looking toward a permanent future together. However we were met with an interesting twist to our relationship when God made it clear that Patricia needed to serve a mission before considering a future with me. To those acquainted with LDS culture this may come to you as a bit out of the ordinary. Well, its not exactly what we expected either, but we know that its right. In January Patricia received her mission call to serve in the Manila Philippines mission and to learn Tagalog. She reports to the MTC March 31 of this year. I intend to keep this blog for those interested in our story. I will keep it updated with the news I receive from her, her family, and friends. In addition, I will keep a personal journal of my feelings, actions, and desires in the 18 months without my fair lady.