Missionary mania

Today I got another letter from my fair lady.  I was so happy to hear that she is doing so well.  I couldn't help but laugh as she proceeded to tell me of the many things from my letters she had shared with her friends at the MTC.  Apparently we are quite the entertaining pair and so, as my girlfriend puts it, they live vicariously through our letters.  The funny thing to me is that I have so many people I know who are serving missions and I am writing to such a small percentage.  I'm certain that I could do better.  Anyway, I guess I should double check myself before sending anything out because I never know how it will be used.  My girlfriend thanked me for my support and asked some questions about things she read in the scriptures.  Her mission has opened up a whole new dimension to our relationship.  I am more than happy to help her in any way possible and we are able to study and search the scriptures together for a common purpose.  I think that before her mission we were more likely to read instead of study.  Hopefully this is something we can apply to our relationship to last an eternity.

Storm of blessings?

I woke up still feeling under the weather this morning.  I wasn't too surprised, but I wasn't about to complain.  The interesting thing is that I was woken up by the wind.  Yeah, thats right....I said wind.  The wind was so strong that I could here it, and there were no cracks or anything like that in the window.  I looked outside and wondered if I was about to be swallowed up by a tornado.  It actually got my heart racing which is a first even though I've driven through tornado warnings, and watched big dust devils from inches away.  All day it was windy and cloudy.  At times there were just huge gust of wind, other times it was hail and or rain by the bucket full.  In short, it was a very stormy and scary day to be outside.  I didn't go outside though, well except to get the mail of course.  Anyway, at the same time I had a fantastic day.  I don't even know why other than the fact that I found out I had been awarded a grant to continue my research.  The school is offering $500 to support me while continuing my research.  I was shocked for two reasons.  First, I thought the guy I had talked to had completely forgotten about me.  Second, I just deferred from the school for the semester.  In other words the school decided to award me a grant regardless of my current academic status.  The award is very flattering and humbling considering its irregular circumstances.  So, I've decided that today was a storm of blessings, I'm sure someone needed the wind and moisture too.

How to destroy your stomach

I usually pride myself on my cooking abilities and decisions, but recently I have been way to lazy and I'm suffering for it dearly.  The other day I figured I'd make a nice salad, but the lettuce had frozen and it had sat there a while.  Oh well, its just going to be a little soggy right?  Mistake number 1.  Then I was like I should have egg mcmuffins.  I don't have canadian bacon so I'll just use bacon.  Well, I have a whole bunch of bacon thats about to go bad so I decide to cook it all up at once.  Mistake number 2.  You should have seen the amount of grease left behind.  With this grease I decided to cook my eggs because I had no oil to keep the eggs from sticking to the fry pan.  Mistake number 3.  Too much grease and not cooked well enough on the inside.  As if that wasn't bad enough, I found out the lunch meat I had been eating all week had been expired for a while.  Mistake number 4.  Ok, he couldn't possibly have screwed up worse than that right?  Enter mistake number 5.  I bought some chinese a few days ago and instead of re-heating it I just ate the cold chicken the way it was dipped in cold sweet and sour sauce.  It didn't taste too bad, but the stomach immediately let me know that one was stupid.  To top it all off I haven't been getting enough water lately.  I'm not use to working in a laboratory where water bottles are forbidden.  In effect I have to plan and go out of my way to get enough water.  That really doesn't happen much for me.  End result?  Headache, fever, dizziness, diarrhea, etc.  Smooth....real smooth.  I suggest being a little wiser than me in your dietary choices.

How to confuse a bishop

Sometime last week I called the bishop requesting an interview.  Seeing as I have only been in the ward a few weeks (10 more or less) and I was gone on roadtrips for the majority he had very little clue who I was.  Anyway I left a message on his answering machine because he wasn't there.  When he returned the call I had to walk him through the process of introducing myself all over again.  Finally, he referred me to his secretary who would make an appointment for this Sunday.  Likewise the secretary was a little confused as to who I was.  After getting an appointment set up I felt relieved.  When I got to the bishops office today he sat me down.  Knowing I could only cause more confusion by not explaining the purpose for the interview I pulled out the papers I needed signed for my academic deferral from BYU-Idaho.  I indicated that the papers were for a deferral process so that I could continue my internship and that we only needed to review one of the two papers.  Of course he grabbed the wrong paper first.  Half way down he was like, what do you need me for?  I showed him the other paper.  He looked at it and said, this is different from the ones I normally sign.  Ugh.... "yes, this is not for admission to BYU-Idaho, it is an endorsement for my academic deferral," I responded.  "Oh, okay," was his reply.  He looks at the bold words, honor code and dress and grooming.  "Are you okay with these rules?" he asked.  "Yup".  He got up and said ok, well thanks.  Shortest interview ever.  To his favor though I was able to stop him long enough to ask for a calling.  Who knows, I just might become part of the ward yet.

Another day

By now it has become apparent what will be hardest for me the next several months.  Every night when I stop to write to my fair lady I feel as though I am able to talk to her and be with her.  In contrast, my days drag on knowing there is no chance that I will hear from her for some time.  The postal system feels more and more like snail mail.  It is difficult to never know when the next letter will arrive and it is even worse when I know there are letters, but they haven't arrived yet.  I feel tricked running to the mailbox, only to find another day has passed without a letter.  Two letters remain in Oregon from over a week ago.  I've tried to be patient but I want so badly to read the contents even if I did receive a letter this week.  Hearts are made only to take so much pressure.  The human heart has to worry about the distance the blood must go, the pressure necessary to transport it quick enough, and a rate which will not destroy the tissues itself.  Having a missionary in the field is symbolically likened unto a sprint which leaves the heart pounding fiercely.  Does it have the power to go the distance?  Can I survive the rate and pressure?  Well, I think that I can.  So I continue, day by day, looking for another day.

Not as it seems

It isn't always apparent what the next course of action should be in research.  Sometimes something that appears as simple as 30 minutes can dominate an entire work day.  I found that out the hard way.  It made me think of how many things we likely take for granted, and in the end we feel short changed or short handed at the results.  The lesson to be learned, start as early as possible...don't procrastinate.

MAR Day

Working for the government always brings with it more and more bizarre behavior.  Today was MAR day, what that stands for I doubt I will ever know.  However, most people would simply call it training day; a day in which you go around from table to table where some poor administrator has been roped into repeating some simple words of training over and over again.  If you are lucky, you get there some what early when there are fewer people and their voice hasn't completely glazed over into a monotonous blur.  I had to laugh at the attempt to make training day "fun".  In order to make it "fun" tax dollars were spent on a theme.  The theme was Avatar after the sensational movie released a short while ago.  Posters for the event were poorly made, mispelling practically everything that had to do with the movie.  Decorations and costumes were somewhat better, but again the thought of tax dollars went through my mind the entire time, spoiling all my fun.  In the end, it was a training day; filled with paperwork, signatures, and unwilling participants.  Naturally I don't blame any who worked so hard to make it a possibility, its just sad that in the end its all so dull anyway.  Maybe it is the fact that half the training still has to be done online that leaves a sour taste in the back of my throat.  Regardless, it gave me a full day.  In addition to the clamour of training day I was introduced to yet another colleague who will be joining the team in developing the project at hand.  I can't help but feel freshly inadequate seeing as the new colleague is yet another Ph. D with a difficult accent to understand.  I can't complain, in fact I am happy for the extra assistance that may make the project more fruitful.  By all means I would like to have my research published before returning back to school.  That is for time to tell.

Long Absence

I can't believe I haven't written in as long as I have, but I've been traveling trying to sort out all the details of extending my internship.  The trips have taken quite the toll on me; leaving me letterless for an extended period of time as well as exhausted and sunburnt on the drivers side only.  All I know about Patricia has been what her family has forwarded to me.  It is great to hear that she sounds more and more like a missionary.  She is working very hard and making everyone very proud.  Below is her last e-mail addressed to all who wish to know about her experiences.

Spring has finally arrived in Provo!!!! thank goodness. it hasn't snowed in over a week!!!!
Every week we do a Wika task or language task. Wika is tagalog for language. This week's task was to meet someone in the Teaching Evaluation Center and tell them about our families in tagalog. Since I had an old family picture (both grandma schardt and hercules [family dog] in it) I used it to talk about you guys! I think i did pretty good. After wards, we taught a lesson to the same person in english about the restoration of the gospel. Even though the volunteer was a return missionary from manila, it was still a pretty powerful lesson. My companion Sister english, the spirit and myself make a pretty good team. Thank goodness for the spirit. It would make teaching nearly impossible. The language is coming along pretty good. I've stayed out of the health clinic this week which is a miracle! I've been playing sand volleyball all week and doing the splits for the ball. Last night we had a fireside by brother Allen from the missionary department in SLC. It was amazing he pretty much gave us a pep talk about being kind to ourselves. he also reminded us of a president hinckley quote "Don't do anything stupid." He reminded us that even though once we get out into the mission field and we are jr. companions we still have the right to excersie our agency and tell our companion no if they are doing something stupid. Then he showed a bunch of old "Mormon" commercials from the 70s. I finally finished reading preach my gospel last night. Now i'm working on my lesson plans for the 5 lessons. Some of the scriptures i've been reading during personal study are 2 nephi 2, all of Enos, 2 nephi 3, Ether chapter 5 D&C 76 and 107, oh yeah and moses 5, If you don't have a book of mormon and would like to see what i've been reading you can log on to LDS.org they have all the scriptures you need on there to read. Love you all and miss you!!!

Letters

Yay!  I finally got letters from Patricia.  It was so refreshing to have her address me again.  She is feeling much better and is out of isolation.  Her companion is Sister English.  It appears that Sister English has been at the MTC longer, maybe even months?  Anyway they get along just fine.  Of course the biggest trial at this time is being away from family.  I imagine myself wrapping my arms protectively around her to comfort her.  I dry the tears that drop and let her know it will all be okay.  Though it isn't real the feeling travels and maybe, just maybe she can feel just a little better.  The beginning of the mission is always the hardest.  Anything new by definition is exciting and scary to all mankind.  It will be alright though, things always work out in the end.  We just have to settle in and get to work.  In the mean time she has my letters and my love.  I hope that my support can carry her through the toughest of times.  I am wherever she needs me.

Juice

As the engine to my car comes to a calming silence the call has already made its way to me.  Music from "Chariots of Fire" begins as I try to make a sudden dash towards the house.  Keys may fall, feet may trip, I may fall, but the yearning continues.  Naturally the fall stops the music like a broken record.  Summoning strength from beyond the realms of taste, hunger, and satisfaction....I rise to my feet only to find the music renewed in its energetic vigor.  Finally I reach the screen door.  In my haste I don't expect a locked screen door.  It is only a matter of milliseconds before momentum proves its has a secret lethality to it.  Like a fly just hit by a fly swatter, my face and the screen become one.  Naturally there is a bounce or recoil effect and therefore I stammer backwards with a newly printed mesh grid upon my face.  I have not been defeated, I cannot be defeated...at least not easily.  Maybe I should change music.  I change the channel and suddenly my resolve is doubled as I hear "We Are the Champions" play in my head.  I charge the screen door again, this time coming to a halt just before hitting it.  My key enters and turns....I think it was the right way.  Anyway the screen door begins to sob as I triumphantly swing it open.  Door #2 now stands in the way.  We all know that Door #2 has a secret hate for me.  Time and again it has jammed itself just to see that I am unable to get in.  Today it was the sneakiest of all, it opened without complaint.  As I cautiously passed through, I half expected a blade to fall like a guillotine.  I know that I will have nightmares tonight of what the door secretly has planned.  For now, I passed it without problem, a red letter day to be sure.  Ahh, by now you have forgetten the reason for all this rush, but I haven't.  I know where it is, I know what I want, but I still have to do my chores.  With superhuman power I manage to blaze through two more doors to collect the mail without breaking a sweat.  I fill up several smaller water bottles with a gallon of water displaying my feats of grace and balance.  Then I clean up the water on the floor that started flowing upwards as though gravity had suddenly changed, that or else maybe there wasn't as much grace and balance as I originally submitted, but its ok, we all have our downfalls.  Finally the time has arrived.  As I swing open yet another door a cool breeze sends goosebumps up my arms and I shutter with delight.  Orange, purple, or yellow.....hmmmm, decisions, decisions.  I grab the purple and hug it tenderly.  I nuzzle it up against my chest feeling the curves and contour of a container I am all too happy to see.  In leaps and bounds I make my way up the stairs, hitting my head on the shallow roof in the process.  It doesn't matter, I am seconds away.  I jump to my bead, bottle in hand.  Slowly I release the captive and am sent into a feeling of utopia.  With every gulp I am refreshed 1000 times over.  I put the lid back on and bundle up into the fetal position, protecting my prized posession.  Juice.  Today it was grape juice.  Every day I come home to juice and if there is no juice it isn't home, the store is my new home.  I deny being carried away with or being addicted to juice.  I just like it....a lot.  Drink juice, its good!

Host

I find it intriguing how many times I become a host while at my Aunt's residence.  I have hosted at least 5 different friends and also my direct family all within the last month.  Its incredible how they seem to find me, even when I'm out in the middle of nowhere.  I love having company.  Having my friends near keeps my spirit alive.  In contrast to the lonely evenings I am frequented with due to the nature of my internship, their warm smiles, and seperate circumstances are a brilliant display of fresh air.  At times I feel like the sage whom travelers seek out for advice, rest, and healing.  In no way do I lay claim to any of these abilities, but the way they look at me pierces my soul with the presumption.  I cannot explain why, for in no way have my travels and experiences made me any more qualified to help than any other random sap.  In the world I am a nobody, barely worth being recognized at all.  People will search where they will, I just find it ironic that so many have sought where they have.  I am a host.  So come one, come all.  I am your friend and will take you in.  Whatever you need I will try to supply.  This has been the desire of my life from the beginning.  I am a medic, a host, a friend....I am here to give freely, and I joy in it.

Sick

Today I finally heard from my girlfriend for the first time since she arrived at the MTC.  Her family was kind enough to forward an e-mail to me.  She has already learned a little bit of the language she will be speaking, Tagalog.  It was so good to hear that she is doing so well in every way....well, except the fact she got swine flu the day she arrived.  You will have to forgive my snickering because we both feel the same way about it.  Its pretty common for one of us to say to the other, "You would!"  Well, that's just her luck.  Although I am genuinely concerned for her, I know she is fine and will continue to be.  She is learning and loving every moment of it.  Better to get sick in the MTC than in the Philippines anyway.  I have to admit that I had a pressing desire to know of her well being, like I knew something wasn't completely right.  At the same time I knew that she was doing well.  Turns out that I was right.  Now that I know she had the swine flu, the feeling makes sense and everything is just fine.  I love being this close and sharing all I can with her.  My daily letters have been full of encouragement and simple advice.  A portion of me has been called to the Philippines to serve a mission for God.  That has helped me to begin preparing myself a new so I can serve when called upon, in what ever form that may come.  Maybe it will just be a letter to say hi and it will be alright.  Maybe it will be an occasional story from my own mission.  Sometimes it could just be the knowledge that I am here, waiting and working hard to make it something even better to come home to.

Easter

Its been a while since I've had a "normal" easter.  I don't think I've dyed eggs in over 3 years.  Its funny how that happens when you get out on your own and are always busy.  Thats okay, its not the egg dying that I miss, or the scavanger hunt, or the candy.  What I miss most is the family and time we shared together.  The true purpose of easter however is Christ and in conference today it was focused on Christ, the way it should be.  I can't help but think that this was the best conference I 've ever been a part of, but I likely say that every time.  Its just so refreshing to get a new dose of God's word.  It may not even be something new per-say, but the way it is spoken may catch me in a way I never thought about it.  In short it was a very good Easter.

Thoughts

It seems that when we least feel like doing something, that becomes of greatest worth.  I doubted for a while whether or not to listen to the third session of general conference tonight.  Eventually I went even missing the opening song and prayer in my indecision.  However, what happened from that moment on captivated me.  The talks were brilliant many of which seemed specifically tailored to me, my thoughts, and my current circumstances.  Ronald A. Rasband spoke about missionary service and I couldn't help but think of a certain missionary I miss dearly.  He shared an experience of getting to witness first hand and even participate in the process for assigning a missionary to a mission.  His thoughts were very comforting to me and made me reminesce of when I was called to Bolivia.  Deiter F. Uctdorf spoke about patience a rare virtue, but something I have been fortunate enough to be well acquainted with.  With that in mind I learned even more about the subject and am excited to improve upon that newly acquired knowledge.  I am more confident in what the future holds.  To put it plainly, it was exactly what I needed to hear.  President Eyring spoke of diligence something I am striving to improve on in conjunction with patience.  All the talks were excellent in all three sessions.  I am so thankful to have living prophets and apostles to raise me up even if I'm just starting to slouch or walking straight.  We can always walk a little taller, but sometimes we don't know that until someone from higher ground can point it out.  I know that my fair lady also enjoyed and learned a great deal from what was said.  I can feel it.  With a brighter perspective I look forward to tomorrow with great anticipation for the final two sessions.

Weekend

Thank goodness for general conference this weekend.  I am excited to hear from the leaders of the church and learn what things I should focus on.  There is a distinct advantage to having conference this weekend; that being that I will be busy the majority of the day.  I was a little worried what weekends might bring me now that I have been completely isolated.  It was always hard enough of a struggle, so the additional absence of my girlfriend wasn't going to make it easier.  This way, we will be watching the same thing at the same time.  In a sense we will be together this weekend and I plan to enjoy every moment of it.  Again I say thank goodness for general conference.

Snow

I can't help but feel my world has suddenly turned upside down.  I am living winter in the spring, but it is still spring.  I hear that it is spring break for many people and yet I walked out to a snow storm this morning.  Ironic how the weather can so accurately describe my life.  Spring is thought of as a time for life, growth and beginning.  Winter symbolizes endings, and perhaps sadness.  Snow is purity, tranquility, and splendor.  Combining the three thoughts can accurately describe my life.

As my fair lady enters missionary service it is the end of easy communication.  It is met with reluctant sadness.  Though I am sad to be seperated yet again there is a great calm inside me.  Everything is just fine and I am amazed at the possibilites this new adventure opens.  It is the beginning of a new life.  Our relationship will grow stronger and deeper than ever before.  I can see you there wondering why I could think such a thing.  Consider this.  My fair lady and I finally have to try.  Her focus is clearly on something else as it should be for the time being.  We will have to work harder than ever to keep our fire burning within.  No phone calls, no random visits, just good 'ol snail mail.  Our goals will be united as we support each other.  As she serves she will gain an understanding and appreciation for the service I once conducted in Bolivia.  We are set on bettering ourselves for the greater good, something that makes us shed the shell of childhood and emerge as responsible adults.

Snow could have been a bad thing for me today, especially because I am not particularly fond of cold weather.  However, it was seen as a blessing to make me stop and think.  My world could easily seem upside down, but all I need to do is straighten up and find my bearings.  Snow is a good thing, even in April.