Variety

Well this week has seen some interesting happenings, none of which are really connected so I have no choice but to title this post variety.  Let me start with the exciting news I received on Monday.  After checking my e-mail I was surprised to see three e-mails from my girlfriend.  I was so surprised I almost deleted them thinking it might be spam or a hacker.  However I did read them and found that she had received permission from her mission president to write me and I can e-mail back.  This speeds up the communication process substantially.  Second on the list of things is that I put together a poster to present my research in Washington DC this following week.  Somehow the Print Shop managed to take my beautiful poster that I had printed and completely destroy it in the process of laminating it.  I am still in the process of getting other copies.  In addition I have re-discovered my talents in sports I have no played in a long time such as football and volleyball.  For football I discovered that I make quite the quarterback, able to throw 50 yard touchdowns with perfect precision.  My aim in throwing the ball surprised me a great deal, especially because I never played as quarterback before.  In volleyball I was surprised that I could play with those who take volleyball seriously.  Most of my volleyball experience comes from random get together groups who hardly know how to play the sport.  It was refreshing to see that being cooped up in the basement laboratory hasn't completely killed my athleticism completely.  Well, this will have to end my list for now due to an overwhelming desire to sleep.  Haha, maybe I am getting lazy after all.

Sentimental

The other day I wrote a heartfelt letter to my future children encouraging them to serve a mission.  Tonight I wanted to share a slightly edited excerpt from that letter.  I apologize to any I may offend by my comments, but they are according to my beliefs and I cannot deny the feelings I know to be true.  I think it safe to assume that the majority of my reader pool will share some beliefs in common with me or else interest would have waned early on. 

The most important teaching you learn from a mission is that none of us can make it back to Heavenly Father alone. Christ was the perfect example of this because He paid the ultimate sacrifice for each of us.  Jesus states in Matthew chapter 16 verses 24-25: “Then said Jesus, unto his disciples, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” Clearly we cannot afford to be selfish our entire lives and I can testify to the happiness that accompanies a life of service to others.  A mission is the first real opportunity that one has to truely devote oneself to service.

When I began my mission I was 19, and when I finished I was 21. I’ve often thought about why we are asked to serve our mission at such a young age and at a time that seems so critical to our future. Serving a two year mission at the age of about 20 brought to mind tithing. It just so happened that I served what was then 10% of my life. For me it meant that I was putting aside the appropriate time for God in my life. Of course that age is critical to the future. Many of life’s most important decisions are made around that age. I chose a career, how and where to further my education, who I should marry, and how my money and time would be spent for the rest of my life. If you can afford to give 10% of your life to God at such a critical time in your life then you are on the right track to succeeding along God’s path of happiness. Just think about it, in a time when your priorities are being set God asks you to put Him first. I did; I put God before my career, before my education, before money and time, and even before a spouse. If you can make that choice and continue with that choice every day after that, then you will have set yourself up for a mortal life of happiness and eternal exaltation.  Nothing can compare or compensate for the things that are learned through missionary service and the blessings that inevitably follow.

Letter for the future

Have you ever written a letter for someone later in your life?  Perhaps your children or another loved one?  Well, that is precisely what I did today.  Now that "My Fair Lady" is safely in the Philippines serving away as missionaries do, I thought of how much I want my children to share the experience of what a mission is like.  One of the hardest problems with writing to such an invisible audience is finding a style that will convey your message.  After all, what are my children going to be like?  What age should I finally give them the letter?  With so many variables it makes you second guess nearly every sentence, kind of like writing on a blog.  Those who may read this are just as invisible to me as are my future children.  So invisibles.....what is it that would stir a desire in you to serve a mission?  What are your fears and concerns?  What can I possibly tell you that would make you feel like a warm blanket of comfort and concern has been lovingly placed around you, enveloping your entire being with the heated desire to do more and be more.  How would you know that I loved you and cared about what your decision might be?

Well, your silence is very reassuring.  Haha, ok so obviously you cannot answer me before I write that which is already written, but these thoughts all went into the making of a beautiful letter.  If nothing else I want to serve a mission again...and again and again.  Alas, for the time being tis' proposterous to dream of such things.  Someday I will return to the mission field and this time I will get to choose my companion.  Well actually I have already chosen, but I hope she chooses me too.  My sweetheart is so very far, as if distance weren't enough they put an international dateline between us also, putting me a whole day behind her.  I miss her a great deal.  To her aide I pledge my continual support, whatever the need. 

Fishing in liquid nitrogen

So the other day I happened to have one of the funniest moment in the lab I could possibly conceive.  A lot of our experiment recently have involved fluorescent dyes that require us to work in the dark.  We try to keep our samples as cold as possible and when we are done with them (ready to store them for an extended period of time) we flash freeze them in liquid nitrogen.  This is done by dipping a ladel in a large tank of liquid nitrogen and then dropping the small containers into the ladel.  Sounds easy enough right?  Well try doing it in the dark with containers that like to stick to your gloves!  Anyway, I dropped two of three containers into the large tank of liquid nitrogen which instantly disappeared out of site.  The third container was in the ladel but when I tried to pour out some of the liquid nitrogen the container flew out and landed in the tank as well.  For a few minutes I blindly tried to scoop up the samples.  Naturally to no avail.  I even got fancy and tried to create a vortex by moving the ladel around in a circle.  Still to no avail.  I gave up.....for the time.  As many of you know liquid nitrogen tends to evaporate quite quickly so I had to close the tank up as soon as possible.  A few hours later I came back with a co-worker.

Inside this tank of liquid nitrogen are 6 racks of square boxes, each containing several samples for various experiments.  We got the idea that if we removed all of them we could see more clearly.  We also turned on the lights.  As we removed all the racks a great deal of mist/fog formed at the opening.  From experience I learned that if you put one rack back in the fog goes away (not sure why).  Anyway, I put a rack back in and again began to create a vortex, this time using the rack.   It was much easier to create a vortex this way and soon I could a great deal of movement as well as feel the pull of a circular current.  My co-worker was handed the ladel.  As a sample floated into sight briefly he would attempt scoop it up with the ladel.  After a few minutes we were finally able to fish them all out.  Naturally we turned off the lights as soon as possible and covered them up so we could return the racks with the light on.  If nothing else it left us with huge grins and a funny story.  It became the day we went fishing in liquid nitrogen. 

Long Day

Today I knew would be a busy one, turns out I was right about something for once.  I went in early to the lab to get some experiments going.  I knew that an acquaintance from school was starting his internship at the lab today so I figured that if I got the boring stuff done early enough that he might be able to do some of the other things.  Even that way there was a lot of "down time" which I took advantage of to teach him as much as I could about what we are doing.  I showed him around and helped point out key locations he would use.  We also spent a great deal of time talking.  There was a pretty wide range of topics, but mostly we just talked about more important things like my fair lady, our missions (his and mine), school, etc.  It was a pretty productive first day for him and a very long day for me.  I'm surprised I still have a voice after talking all day.

After work I tried to get my car in shape by getting an oil change and attempting to get my blinker fixed.  It looks like I still have to wait for the light though.  Then I ran to Wal-mart in hopes of finding some microcassettes that I could record for my sweetheart.  I guess they don't sell them anymore....at least not at Wal-mart.  Someone suggested radio shack, but by then it was late enough that I was certain I would have to wait at least another day.  So I drove straight to FHE where we had a quick lesson and the proceeded to play Bunko.  Its usually a fun game, but I had such a bad luck streak that it wasn't really fun at all.  I lost 9 of 11 games.  Not a vegas night, that was for sure....well, unless I bet against myself.

The majority of the day my thoughts were on my girlfriend.  As such I felt like I multi-tasked the entire day because I wasn't always left with time to stop and think about her.  Naturally I brought her up in nearly every conversation, but  not everyone shares my interest in that area.  I miss her a great deal.  It was our year anniversary of when we started dating.  It has been an amazing and wonderful journey.  I often wondered if I could ever be so happy.  Now I know the answer is yes, and it only gets better.

Sound familiar?

Have you ever watched "The Best Two Years"?  If you haven't, please do.  It gives insight into the life of a missionary and many of the comical things that seem to happen to them.  Today I felt like I was acting out one of the scenes when I noticed there was mail in the mailbox.....on Sunday.  Obviously I hadn't checked yesterday.  Anyway, to my surprise I had a package from my fair lady.  As I opened it I was surprised to find a microcassette.  This is where the enactment of the movie kicked in.  I was suddenly in a craze to find something that would allow me to listen to this tape.  I zoomed around the house looking everywhere, but to no avail.  Just to be sure I asked my aunt who confirmed my suspicions, there was no tape player in the house.  I looked for the nearest shoes (in the movie I believe they were wooden shoes) and convinced myself that I would go over to neighbors and ask if I could borrow one, if they had it.  Luckily my aunt was being visited by our bishops wife at the time who mentioned her husband may have one.  In my wooden shoes (sandals) I drove over to his house and borrowed the prized possession.  Its so good to hear her voice again.  Oh, just so you know I didn't get dumped like in the movie.  Thank goodness there were some distinct differences.  Anyway, it made my day to hear from her and for once I mean that in a literal sense.  Emotions are so much easier to detect by voice than by letter, especially when the tape cuts out ever so often mid-sentence; poor girl probably almost drowned recording the tape.  I sure do love her though and I know she loves me too.  We miss each other.  It isn't easy.  She struggles on a daily basis to not think about me so she can focus on her work.  I struggle waiting for the next time I will be able to receive word of her.  Everytime I hear her name or hear news about her, whether it be from her or someone else, I consider to be a gift.  I treasure each of these gifts.  I'm certain that their value far surpasses any offer that could ever be made on them.  Those who can, treasure those who are close to you, while they are close to you.

Is it wrong?

So I can't help but almost feel bad about using some old stake directories the way I did.  Near the front it always has a little note about using the directory only for church purposes.  What exactly does that mean?  Here is what I used it for.  Before my girlfriend left we did a little bit of wedding planning.  Some would say it is a little premature, but if you think about it, if you don't plan to succeed it will be nearly impossible to succeed.  Obviously we understand that things may happen but we are more than willing to be prepared and do a little work for nothing if that is the end result.  If the result is success than we are prepared, which is of greater benefit than any downfall to the idea.  Anyway, she gave me an old stake directory with highlights on all those she wanted to invite to the big event.  Likewise I obtained an old stake directory, highlighted it, and then transferred data from the two onto a file we have been working on for the wedding.  In effect I created an initial guest list/invitation list to add to the other info we had decided on (such as colors, a few songs, etc.).  I must say, those kinds of lists are dull to type and very time consuming.  I hope that it was not in vain.  Obviously it will need updated when the event is much closer to happening, but this initial information speaks mountains for remembering those who need to be invited.  If plans go badly then if nothing else, my half will make an excellent Christmas card list.  Church use....not sure, but who can really define that anyway?

Missionary mania

Today I got another letter from my fair lady.  I was so happy to hear that she is doing so well.  I couldn't help but laugh as she proceeded to tell me of the many things from my letters she had shared with her friends at the MTC.  Apparently we are quite the entertaining pair and so, as my girlfriend puts it, they live vicariously through our letters.  The funny thing to me is that I have so many people I know who are serving missions and I am writing to such a small percentage.  I'm certain that I could do better.  Anyway, I guess I should double check myself before sending anything out because I never know how it will be used.  My girlfriend thanked me for my support and asked some questions about things she read in the scriptures.  Her mission has opened up a whole new dimension to our relationship.  I am more than happy to help her in any way possible and we are able to study and search the scriptures together for a common purpose.  I think that before her mission we were more likely to read instead of study.  Hopefully this is something we can apply to our relationship to last an eternity.

Storm of blessings?

I woke up still feeling under the weather this morning.  I wasn't too surprised, but I wasn't about to complain.  The interesting thing is that I was woken up by the wind.  Yeah, thats right....I said wind.  The wind was so strong that I could here it, and there were no cracks or anything like that in the window.  I looked outside and wondered if I was about to be swallowed up by a tornado.  It actually got my heart racing which is a first even though I've driven through tornado warnings, and watched big dust devils from inches away.  All day it was windy and cloudy.  At times there were just huge gust of wind, other times it was hail and or rain by the bucket full.  In short, it was a very stormy and scary day to be outside.  I didn't go outside though, well except to get the mail of course.  Anyway, at the same time I had a fantastic day.  I don't even know why other than the fact that I found out I had been awarded a grant to continue my research.  The school is offering $500 to support me while continuing my research.  I was shocked for two reasons.  First, I thought the guy I had talked to had completely forgotten about me.  Second, I just deferred from the school for the semester.  In other words the school decided to award me a grant regardless of my current academic status.  The award is very flattering and humbling considering its irregular circumstances.  So, I've decided that today was a storm of blessings, I'm sure someone needed the wind and moisture too.

How to destroy your stomach

I usually pride myself on my cooking abilities and decisions, but recently I have been way to lazy and I'm suffering for it dearly.  The other day I figured I'd make a nice salad, but the lettuce had frozen and it had sat there a while.  Oh well, its just going to be a little soggy right?  Mistake number 1.  Then I was like I should have egg mcmuffins.  I don't have canadian bacon so I'll just use bacon.  Well, I have a whole bunch of bacon thats about to go bad so I decide to cook it all up at once.  Mistake number 2.  You should have seen the amount of grease left behind.  With this grease I decided to cook my eggs because I had no oil to keep the eggs from sticking to the fry pan.  Mistake number 3.  Too much grease and not cooked well enough on the inside.  As if that wasn't bad enough, I found out the lunch meat I had been eating all week had been expired for a while.  Mistake number 4.  Ok, he couldn't possibly have screwed up worse than that right?  Enter mistake number 5.  I bought some chinese a few days ago and instead of re-heating it I just ate the cold chicken the way it was dipped in cold sweet and sour sauce.  It didn't taste too bad, but the stomach immediately let me know that one was stupid.  To top it all off I haven't been getting enough water lately.  I'm not use to working in a laboratory where water bottles are forbidden.  In effect I have to plan and go out of my way to get enough water.  That really doesn't happen much for me.  End result?  Headache, fever, dizziness, diarrhea, etc.  Smooth....real smooth.  I suggest being a little wiser than me in your dietary choices.

How to confuse a bishop

Sometime last week I called the bishop requesting an interview.  Seeing as I have only been in the ward a few weeks (10 more or less) and I was gone on roadtrips for the majority he had very little clue who I was.  Anyway I left a message on his answering machine because he wasn't there.  When he returned the call I had to walk him through the process of introducing myself all over again.  Finally, he referred me to his secretary who would make an appointment for this Sunday.  Likewise the secretary was a little confused as to who I was.  After getting an appointment set up I felt relieved.  When I got to the bishops office today he sat me down.  Knowing I could only cause more confusion by not explaining the purpose for the interview I pulled out the papers I needed signed for my academic deferral from BYU-Idaho.  I indicated that the papers were for a deferral process so that I could continue my internship and that we only needed to review one of the two papers.  Of course he grabbed the wrong paper first.  Half way down he was like, what do you need me for?  I showed him the other paper.  He looked at it and said, this is different from the ones I normally sign.  Ugh.... "yes, this is not for admission to BYU-Idaho, it is an endorsement for my academic deferral," I responded.  "Oh, okay," was his reply.  He looks at the bold words, honor code and dress and grooming.  "Are you okay with these rules?" he asked.  "Yup".  He got up and said ok, well thanks.  Shortest interview ever.  To his favor though I was able to stop him long enough to ask for a calling.  Who knows, I just might become part of the ward yet.

Another day

By now it has become apparent what will be hardest for me the next several months.  Every night when I stop to write to my fair lady I feel as though I am able to talk to her and be with her.  In contrast, my days drag on knowing there is no chance that I will hear from her for some time.  The postal system feels more and more like snail mail.  It is difficult to never know when the next letter will arrive and it is even worse when I know there are letters, but they haven't arrived yet.  I feel tricked running to the mailbox, only to find another day has passed without a letter.  Two letters remain in Oregon from over a week ago.  I've tried to be patient but I want so badly to read the contents even if I did receive a letter this week.  Hearts are made only to take so much pressure.  The human heart has to worry about the distance the blood must go, the pressure necessary to transport it quick enough, and a rate which will not destroy the tissues itself.  Having a missionary in the field is symbolically likened unto a sprint which leaves the heart pounding fiercely.  Does it have the power to go the distance?  Can I survive the rate and pressure?  Well, I think that I can.  So I continue, day by day, looking for another day.

Not as it seems

It isn't always apparent what the next course of action should be in research.  Sometimes something that appears as simple as 30 minutes can dominate an entire work day.  I found that out the hard way.  It made me think of how many things we likely take for granted, and in the end we feel short changed or short handed at the results.  The lesson to be learned, start as early as possible...don't procrastinate.

MAR Day

Working for the government always brings with it more and more bizarre behavior.  Today was MAR day, what that stands for I doubt I will ever know.  However, most people would simply call it training day; a day in which you go around from table to table where some poor administrator has been roped into repeating some simple words of training over and over again.  If you are lucky, you get there some what early when there are fewer people and their voice hasn't completely glazed over into a monotonous blur.  I had to laugh at the attempt to make training day "fun".  In order to make it "fun" tax dollars were spent on a theme.  The theme was Avatar after the sensational movie released a short while ago.  Posters for the event were poorly made, mispelling practically everything that had to do with the movie.  Decorations and costumes were somewhat better, but again the thought of tax dollars went through my mind the entire time, spoiling all my fun.  In the end, it was a training day; filled with paperwork, signatures, and unwilling participants.  Naturally I don't blame any who worked so hard to make it a possibility, its just sad that in the end its all so dull anyway.  Maybe it is the fact that half the training still has to be done online that leaves a sour taste in the back of my throat.  Regardless, it gave me a full day.  In addition to the clamour of training day I was introduced to yet another colleague who will be joining the team in developing the project at hand.  I can't help but feel freshly inadequate seeing as the new colleague is yet another Ph. D with a difficult accent to understand.  I can't complain, in fact I am happy for the extra assistance that may make the project more fruitful.  By all means I would like to have my research published before returning back to school.  That is for time to tell.

Long Absence

I can't believe I haven't written in as long as I have, but I've been traveling trying to sort out all the details of extending my internship.  The trips have taken quite the toll on me; leaving me letterless for an extended period of time as well as exhausted and sunburnt on the drivers side only.  All I know about Patricia has been what her family has forwarded to me.  It is great to hear that she sounds more and more like a missionary.  She is working very hard and making everyone very proud.  Below is her last e-mail addressed to all who wish to know about her experiences.

Spring has finally arrived in Provo!!!! thank goodness. it hasn't snowed in over a week!!!!
Every week we do a Wika task or language task. Wika is tagalog for language. This week's task was to meet someone in the Teaching Evaluation Center and tell them about our families in tagalog. Since I had an old family picture (both grandma schardt and hercules [family dog] in it) I used it to talk about you guys! I think i did pretty good. After wards, we taught a lesson to the same person in english about the restoration of the gospel. Even though the volunteer was a return missionary from manila, it was still a pretty powerful lesson. My companion Sister english, the spirit and myself make a pretty good team. Thank goodness for the spirit. It would make teaching nearly impossible. The language is coming along pretty good. I've stayed out of the health clinic this week which is a miracle! I've been playing sand volleyball all week and doing the splits for the ball. Last night we had a fireside by brother Allen from the missionary department in SLC. It was amazing he pretty much gave us a pep talk about being kind to ourselves. he also reminded us of a president hinckley quote "Don't do anything stupid." He reminded us that even though once we get out into the mission field and we are jr. companions we still have the right to excersie our agency and tell our companion no if they are doing something stupid. Then he showed a bunch of old "Mormon" commercials from the 70s. I finally finished reading preach my gospel last night. Now i'm working on my lesson plans for the 5 lessons. Some of the scriptures i've been reading during personal study are 2 nephi 2, all of Enos, 2 nephi 3, Ether chapter 5 D&C 76 and 107, oh yeah and moses 5, If you don't have a book of mormon and would like to see what i've been reading you can log on to LDS.org they have all the scriptures you need on there to read. Love you all and miss you!!!

Letters

Yay!  I finally got letters from Patricia.  It was so refreshing to have her address me again.  She is feeling much better and is out of isolation.  Her companion is Sister English.  It appears that Sister English has been at the MTC longer, maybe even months?  Anyway they get along just fine.  Of course the biggest trial at this time is being away from family.  I imagine myself wrapping my arms protectively around her to comfort her.  I dry the tears that drop and let her know it will all be okay.  Though it isn't real the feeling travels and maybe, just maybe she can feel just a little better.  The beginning of the mission is always the hardest.  Anything new by definition is exciting and scary to all mankind.  It will be alright though, things always work out in the end.  We just have to settle in and get to work.  In the mean time she has my letters and my love.  I hope that my support can carry her through the toughest of times.  I am wherever she needs me.

Juice

As the engine to my car comes to a calming silence the call has already made its way to me.  Music from "Chariots of Fire" begins as I try to make a sudden dash towards the house.  Keys may fall, feet may trip, I may fall, but the yearning continues.  Naturally the fall stops the music like a broken record.  Summoning strength from beyond the realms of taste, hunger, and satisfaction....I rise to my feet only to find the music renewed in its energetic vigor.  Finally I reach the screen door.  In my haste I don't expect a locked screen door.  It is only a matter of milliseconds before momentum proves its has a secret lethality to it.  Like a fly just hit by a fly swatter, my face and the screen become one.  Naturally there is a bounce or recoil effect and therefore I stammer backwards with a newly printed mesh grid upon my face.  I have not been defeated, I cannot be defeated...at least not easily.  Maybe I should change music.  I change the channel and suddenly my resolve is doubled as I hear "We Are the Champions" play in my head.  I charge the screen door again, this time coming to a halt just before hitting it.  My key enters and turns....I think it was the right way.  Anyway the screen door begins to sob as I triumphantly swing it open.  Door #2 now stands in the way.  We all know that Door #2 has a secret hate for me.  Time and again it has jammed itself just to see that I am unable to get in.  Today it was the sneakiest of all, it opened without complaint.  As I cautiously passed through, I half expected a blade to fall like a guillotine.  I know that I will have nightmares tonight of what the door secretly has planned.  For now, I passed it without problem, a red letter day to be sure.  Ahh, by now you have forgetten the reason for all this rush, but I haven't.  I know where it is, I know what I want, but I still have to do my chores.  With superhuman power I manage to blaze through two more doors to collect the mail without breaking a sweat.  I fill up several smaller water bottles with a gallon of water displaying my feats of grace and balance.  Then I clean up the water on the floor that started flowing upwards as though gravity had suddenly changed, that or else maybe there wasn't as much grace and balance as I originally submitted, but its ok, we all have our downfalls.  Finally the time has arrived.  As I swing open yet another door a cool breeze sends goosebumps up my arms and I shutter with delight.  Orange, purple, or yellow.....hmmmm, decisions, decisions.  I grab the purple and hug it tenderly.  I nuzzle it up against my chest feeling the curves and contour of a container I am all too happy to see.  In leaps and bounds I make my way up the stairs, hitting my head on the shallow roof in the process.  It doesn't matter, I am seconds away.  I jump to my bead, bottle in hand.  Slowly I release the captive and am sent into a feeling of utopia.  With every gulp I am refreshed 1000 times over.  I put the lid back on and bundle up into the fetal position, protecting my prized posession.  Juice.  Today it was grape juice.  Every day I come home to juice and if there is no juice it isn't home, the store is my new home.  I deny being carried away with or being addicted to juice.  I just like it....a lot.  Drink juice, its good!

Host

I find it intriguing how many times I become a host while at my Aunt's residence.  I have hosted at least 5 different friends and also my direct family all within the last month.  Its incredible how they seem to find me, even when I'm out in the middle of nowhere.  I love having company.  Having my friends near keeps my spirit alive.  In contrast to the lonely evenings I am frequented with due to the nature of my internship, their warm smiles, and seperate circumstances are a brilliant display of fresh air.  At times I feel like the sage whom travelers seek out for advice, rest, and healing.  In no way do I lay claim to any of these abilities, but the way they look at me pierces my soul with the presumption.  I cannot explain why, for in no way have my travels and experiences made me any more qualified to help than any other random sap.  In the world I am a nobody, barely worth being recognized at all.  People will search where they will, I just find it ironic that so many have sought where they have.  I am a host.  So come one, come all.  I am your friend and will take you in.  Whatever you need I will try to supply.  This has been the desire of my life from the beginning.  I am a medic, a host, a friend....I am here to give freely, and I joy in it.

Sick

Today I finally heard from my girlfriend for the first time since she arrived at the MTC.  Her family was kind enough to forward an e-mail to me.  She has already learned a little bit of the language she will be speaking, Tagalog.  It was so good to hear that she is doing so well in every way....well, except the fact she got swine flu the day she arrived.  You will have to forgive my snickering because we both feel the same way about it.  Its pretty common for one of us to say to the other, "You would!"  Well, that's just her luck.  Although I am genuinely concerned for her, I know she is fine and will continue to be.  She is learning and loving every moment of it.  Better to get sick in the MTC than in the Philippines anyway.  I have to admit that I had a pressing desire to know of her well being, like I knew something wasn't completely right.  At the same time I knew that she was doing well.  Turns out that I was right.  Now that I know she had the swine flu, the feeling makes sense and everything is just fine.  I love being this close and sharing all I can with her.  My daily letters have been full of encouragement and simple advice.  A portion of me has been called to the Philippines to serve a mission for God.  That has helped me to begin preparing myself a new so I can serve when called upon, in what ever form that may come.  Maybe it will just be a letter to say hi and it will be alright.  Maybe it will be an occasional story from my own mission.  Sometimes it could just be the knowledge that I am here, waiting and working hard to make it something even better to come home to.

Easter

Its been a while since I've had a "normal" easter.  I don't think I've dyed eggs in over 3 years.  Its funny how that happens when you get out on your own and are always busy.  Thats okay, its not the egg dying that I miss, or the scavanger hunt, or the candy.  What I miss most is the family and time we shared together.  The true purpose of easter however is Christ and in conference today it was focused on Christ, the way it should be.  I can't help but think that this was the best conference I 've ever been a part of, but I likely say that every time.  Its just so refreshing to get a new dose of God's word.  It may not even be something new per-say, but the way it is spoken may catch me in a way I never thought about it.  In short it was a very good Easter.

Thoughts

It seems that when we least feel like doing something, that becomes of greatest worth.  I doubted for a while whether or not to listen to the third session of general conference tonight.  Eventually I went even missing the opening song and prayer in my indecision.  However, what happened from that moment on captivated me.  The talks were brilliant many of which seemed specifically tailored to me, my thoughts, and my current circumstances.  Ronald A. Rasband spoke about missionary service and I couldn't help but think of a certain missionary I miss dearly.  He shared an experience of getting to witness first hand and even participate in the process for assigning a missionary to a mission.  His thoughts were very comforting to me and made me reminesce of when I was called to Bolivia.  Deiter F. Uctdorf spoke about patience a rare virtue, but something I have been fortunate enough to be well acquainted with.  With that in mind I learned even more about the subject and am excited to improve upon that newly acquired knowledge.  I am more confident in what the future holds.  To put it plainly, it was exactly what I needed to hear.  President Eyring spoke of diligence something I am striving to improve on in conjunction with patience.  All the talks were excellent in all three sessions.  I am so thankful to have living prophets and apostles to raise me up even if I'm just starting to slouch or walking straight.  We can always walk a little taller, but sometimes we don't know that until someone from higher ground can point it out.  I know that my fair lady also enjoyed and learned a great deal from what was said.  I can feel it.  With a brighter perspective I look forward to tomorrow with great anticipation for the final two sessions.

Weekend

Thank goodness for general conference this weekend.  I am excited to hear from the leaders of the church and learn what things I should focus on.  There is a distinct advantage to having conference this weekend; that being that I will be busy the majority of the day.  I was a little worried what weekends might bring me now that I have been completely isolated.  It was always hard enough of a struggle, so the additional absence of my girlfriend wasn't going to make it easier.  This way, we will be watching the same thing at the same time.  In a sense we will be together this weekend and I plan to enjoy every moment of it.  Again I say thank goodness for general conference.

Snow

I can't help but feel my world has suddenly turned upside down.  I am living winter in the spring, but it is still spring.  I hear that it is spring break for many people and yet I walked out to a snow storm this morning.  Ironic how the weather can so accurately describe my life.  Spring is thought of as a time for life, growth and beginning.  Winter symbolizes endings, and perhaps sadness.  Snow is purity, tranquility, and splendor.  Combining the three thoughts can accurately describe my life.

As my fair lady enters missionary service it is the end of easy communication.  It is met with reluctant sadness.  Though I am sad to be seperated yet again there is a great calm inside me.  Everything is just fine and I am amazed at the possibilites this new adventure opens.  It is the beginning of a new life.  Our relationship will grow stronger and deeper than ever before.  I can see you there wondering why I could think such a thing.  Consider this.  My fair lady and I finally have to try.  Her focus is clearly on something else as it should be for the time being.  We will have to work harder than ever to keep our fire burning within.  No phone calls, no random visits, just good 'ol snail mail.  Our goals will be united as we support each other.  As she serves she will gain an understanding and appreciation for the service I once conducted in Bolivia.  We are set on bettering ourselves for the greater good, something that makes us shed the shell of childhood and emerge as responsible adults.

Snow could have been a bad thing for me today, especially because I am not particularly fond of cold weather.  However, it was seen as a blessing to make me stop and think.  My world could easily seem upside down, but all I need to do is straighten up and find my bearings.  Snow is a good thing, even in April.

Day 1

Today marks yet another "beginning".  Sister Schardt has entered the Provo Missionary Training Center (MTC) and I am thrilled for what awaits her there.  It is a little strange having the position switched on me.  When I went to the MTC it was so easy to go, because I was so excited to get to work.  Being on the outside it is so much more bittersweet.  Huge waves of pride passed through me as she entered the MTC to do what God wants her to do.  At the same time a great deal of longing to be at her side crept within me.  In fact I even caught a glimpse of jealousy recalling the many adventures I had at the Missionary Training Center.

I remember Day 1 in the MTC fairly well.  Perhaps I can share a glimpse of what Patricia went through.  When you arrive you are issued your missionary tag with a colored dot indicating that you are new.  Then you are ushered through several lines, one to pick up your access card (this card is used for meals, getting into the correct sleeping quarters, etc.), another to pick up your teaching materials, and if you are lucky enough you get taken immediately to the immunization area just to make sure you took care of everything.  Missionaries are more than willing to help you no matter where you go, so consider it impossible to get lost, unless you suddenly lose the capacity to communicate with other human beings.  You and your luggage are shown to your quarters where you may or may not meet your companion for the first time.  In my case I did.  The rest of the day is already scheduled for you, except for a few personal hours they give you to "unpack" and "meditate".  You go to a few meetings to teach you basic rules and eventually you get food for the first time.  Thank goodness for the cafeteria.

While Sister Schardt was doing all that I was already feeling the blessings of supporting a missionary.  I received an invitation to present my research in Washington D.C.  If that wasn't good enough it was an offer that came with all expenses paid!  I am so excited, things are going great for both of us...at least from what I can tell.  I know she got mail her first day....I made sure of that.  If nothing else that should make it a red letter day.  I love her and I love the gospel we both know to be true.  She will do great!

T-Minus 1

It has finally arrived.  The hours we have left to share are very few.  Already my girlfriend is officially a sister missionary.  I have to admit it doesn't quite seem real, but soon it will be all too real.  I sent off her first letter already so that she will have mail at the MTC upon her arrival.  I'm so excited....I know she will be great.

Clear

What is the color we see most often?  Is it red, green, blue, white, or black?  Or maybe, what we really see the most is clear.  Think of all the void that seperates the blue and the green of sky and grass.  Think of the water we drink.  Windows, bottles, plastic wrap.....hmmmm, it makes me wonder.  I know someone whos favorite color is clear.  They are very fortunate....very fortunate indeed.

Big Boys Don't Cry

Growing up is an exciting adventure.  When we are young we long to be older so that we can do more.  When we become older we realize that with all we can do, what we must do is scarcely what we want to.  I am happy to report that my supervisor has returned to work with sufficient strength to continue experimentation.  Unfortunately for me, this came as my family decided to visit for a day.  They wanted to take me to a family fun zone to go play on go-kart, laser tag, arcade games, etc.  What I ended up doing was eating a quick breakfast, heading off to work, and returning in time to eat dinner with them and send them on their way home.  I don't always get to be with the ones I love, in fact I scarcely if ever do.  I don't get to play very much either.  Nonetheless I am content with being a hardworking young man.  If nothing else I have a sense of accomplishment?  Yes, I meant to put a question mark there.  I need to figure this out.

Monday

Mondays.....don't like me very much.  At least monday mornings don't.  This morning I woke up to my alarm clock feeling nice and refreshed, but I thought I would push the snooze and lay in bed for about 5 minutes.  As I lay there I started to hear a crackling sound.  I wasn't sure if it was a drizzle, a trickle, or a crackle.  Lately there has been a mouse issue so I automatically began to think that a mouse was eating my chocolates.  As I turned on the light I couldn't seem to see anything on the floor.  Then I looked on the bedside desk.  I had managed to knock over my water bottle, and it hadn't sealed completely!  Water was rushing all over!  It was already all over the wallet, dripping on the computer paper below, and a few drops were also landing on my laptop!!!  I never got up so fast in my entire life.  I whipped into action saving everything I could.  Then on the way to work I kept on getting stuck behind extremely slow people which made me arrive later than I would have liked.  When I found a parking spot, approximately 20 minutes after beginning the search I turned off the car only to realize I had forgotten my security badge.  Without that, I couldn't get into the lab!!  So I figured the best course of action was to walk over to the research offices, clear on the other side of the hospital campus.  When I arrived, guess what.....nobody was there.  Not my supervisor, not the administrative officer...nobody.  So I headed down to the lab hoping I could slip in when somebody swiped their card.  Eventually I got in....but only to discover my supervisor had gone to the ER over the weekend.  I was sent home.  From there things got better.  Ughhh, what a typical monday morning.  Thank goodness for Tuesdays. 

Dodgeball

Monday I think I made a terrible mistake.  After driving several hours to get home from California I attended the weekly FHE with the local singles group.  Among other things we decided to play dodgeball.  As athletic as I am, I really haven't been using my upper body lately.  So playing dodgeball it turns out uses a great deal of upper body muscles.  Long story short, my body hates me.  My muscles ache like never before.  It is a catastrophe trying to sleep or move, or well....really anything.  On the other hand, I had so much fun.  Its been a really long time since I played dodgeball and several chairs and tables were set up so it added an extra element.  On one of the games I was the last one on my team and three guys with very strong arms were left on the other team.  Fortunately they were also very arrogant and proud which worked to my advantage; I managed to get them all out and we won.  Its nice to see I still got the touch.  Well, even though my muscles ache now, at least I hadn't lost my accuracy and speed.  What is my conclusion?  Perhaps I should work on my upper body strength so I don't have to suffer the aches as much afterward.  Besides, its nice to maintain balance. 

Inside Jokes

Of all the things that are most universal among all cultures, surely inside jokes must be among the top.  Everywhere you go, and everything you do, its all so much more fun when shared with some but not all.  Think of an inside joke you have, if you told me....I would likely think you were silly or immature because I didn't understand (unless I''m on the inside of the joke).  Tonight I will share some inside jokes with you.  Enjoy my immature silly inside jokes.

"Hey, remember that one time when you told us a story.....the story about I don't know"

"I have small hands"......."Maybe you should get some burgers at Burger King"

"Hey, remember that time when we almost died, but we didn't.......scary car....who uses brakes anyway."

"They (Adam and Eve) were in a eternal state of innocence, happiness, and immorality"....."She meant immortality right?"

"Drama"

"I got these I-clickers for Mother's week"...."Did he just say you were my mom?"

"Twitter meets Pated.....and they were twitterpated"

"So do you remember the time you got pulled over by a cop at 3am?"....."You mean the 20 year old guy in wranglers, a baseball cap, and coat who pulled us over in a truck?  Yeah, I remember."

"MO"

California

Okay, its safe to confess now.  This weekend I took the liberty of surprising my girlfriend by showing up at her mission farewell.  If there has been an absence of blog posts, you can probably imagine that I may have been pre-occupied.  Anyway, the farewell is where a missionary prepares a talk  (speech, sermon, or whatever you want to call it) for the local congregation.  In a way it is to show how they have prepared for a mission and maybe excite the local congregation about missionary work.  She did a wonderful job.  I got to be there as she prepared her talk and I absolutely love her.  I'm so excited for the opportunity she has to learn, grow, and teach.

Let me tell you that surprising my girlfriend is nearly impossible.  We have a very strong connection and so we are very likely to sense that the other is up to something.  Believe me I had to jump through every hoop possible to keep it a secret, eventually even including a few white lies.  Even so, she thought I was up to something.  I distracted her by giving her an incomplete truth that some of her friends were coming to visit.  I knew who, and I was helping make arrangements for them.  This allowed me to slip in somewhat unnoticed.  I don't think I'll ever surprise her like that again even though she ended up being very happy to see me.  The flowers didn't hurt either.  Every time I see her though, it gets harder to go back to what I have to do.  I'm really going to miss her.  I already do.

1:00pm Traffic

Having lived in a somewhat big city for the last couple of weeks I've realized that traffic varies considerably with hour.  Rush hours really do exist after all.  Being raised in a small farming community, it was hard to judge if the rumors were true.  There are several tricks you have to learn in order to get where your going when your going.  Half the battle is finding a parking spot once you've arrived.  Today I got off work early.  Let me tell you that outbound traffic at 1pm is heavenly.  All green lights, nobody cutting you off, and no old folk doing 30 on the 55 portion of the highway.  Even the exit was clear, with only two or three cars ahead of me at the traffic light.  That same exit during rush hour is backed up at least a mile for 2 to 3 hours.  Thank goodness for an early start to a weekend.  I just might have a good weekend after all.  I know it could be better, but I welcome anything to make it better considering my circumstances.  Hope you enjoy your weekend too!!

Survival Tools

Survival is an interesting concept.  Survival is 90% preparation, 9% creativity, and 1% luck

PREPERATION-
   In order to survive there are several things you must learn before becoming stranded in any circumstance.  First on the list is to understand what is most important.  You can only go so far without...  Can you fill in the blank?  1- Water, 2- Shelter, 3- Food.  Because our bodies are such a high percentage of water that is first priority.  You simply cannot last long without water.  Shelter is the next priority to avoid illness, extreme temperatures, and protection.  Finally food, of course food in combination with the previous two items will make you a complete survivor because you need strength.  Strength is derived from food, believe me...I'm a biologist.  Remember there are several types of food.  Most important on the list for survival is meats.  Meats are so good because chemically they skip a few steps for you in giving off energy.  Yes, we need our greens, but if we are very malnourished, meat will help a lot.  Don't go too quick though, that can hurt just as much.

CrEAtiVItY-
  One of the things you can do to increase your chances of survival is to think like the locals.  By locals I mean the plants (in a forest, etc) or the people who live there (if lost in a Metropolis or somewhere else)  There are a few things you can carry around with you that may be of assistance.  A pocketknife is probably the most useful tool you can be lost with.  Next, consider the skill of using chopsticks (you probably won't find a fork in the wild) which can increase sanitation and double as a weapon if necessary.  I'd hate to be the one killed by chopsticks, can you imagine the embarassement of telling the others how you died.  Next, a mirror.  Mirrors have a variety of purposes.  Most importantly you can look in the mirror and estimate how many years have passed by wrinkle count, layers of dirt, or perhaps beard length.  Other practical uses include getting things unstuck from your teeth, signaling aircraft, and starting fires.  A quick word of advice on fires.  Remember that if you want a fire in a forest you may want to build something to prevent it from spreading too much.  The last thing you need is a forest fire.

"Remember only you can prevent forest fires."

LUCK-
  Sometimes all you need is a little bit of luck.  Getting lost in the right place, somebody chancing to see your fire, or a beautiful oasis that sets you up for life (making it unclear whether or not you want to actually go back).  I won't say that surviving depends on luck....but it certainly doesn't hurt.

I hope whereever you are and whatever you're doing, that you survive.  If you can learn how to survive, maybe...just maybe... you will finally learn how to live, not just survive.

Free

Free is an interesting term in the United States.  Any deals that offer something for free have some kind of catch to make them...not completely free.  For example, buy one get one free.  What they really mean is buy two for half off each.  You are more inclined to buy when you wouldn't have before.  Therefore, they make more money, besides...we all know that the markups are more than enough to cover the expenses to make the product.  Another trick I often see is the free soda, or free entree.  The favorite is kids are free.  Each of these will require either an additional person or an additional item to be complete.  Again  you are more tempted to buy when you may not have earlier.  It is a decent discount to those who already planned on making the purchase however.

Today I was offered a free lunch.  What was the price?  1 and a half hours of PCR training and marketing.  For those who are not familiar with PCR it is the replication and amplification of genetic strands.  This procedure is used for cloning, speeding up the growth of bacteria (or yeast, etc.), and DNA fingerprinting (forensic science).  The intention of the seminar was to present several problems many people face when doing PCR; problems due to temperatures, making sure the right genetic material is duplicated, etc.  Then after presenting the problems, a specific item from this company was presented as the solution.  Backed with research data that supports their claim that it is best to order the material needed from this company.  Classic example of marketing at its best.  Anyway, it was a good seminar and I learned a few things.  The food was ok, nothing special.  Considering the fact I was sent from work in a mandatory fashion it was good.  I did get to meet the representative who supplies the laboratories at my university.  That was a great opportunity because now I can feel a little more comfortable making an order from campus if necessary.  So, to recap....nothing is truely free so be careful, especially in the U.S.  Also, PCR is a fun thing to learn about if lunch is involved and you have to go for work anyway.  Have a great night!

Infiltration

Sneaky, sneaky.  I have infiltrated the system.  Of course when one normally thinks of infiltration there seems to be a negative connotation.  By no means do I mean bad, but I have successfully infiltrated the system at the laboratory.  I am trusted by all those I am in contact with.  We are actually becoming friends.  I think I like internships.  They give me a chance to be me and to work as hard as I can.  Then I get to look at the results, and even a failure is a success that teaches us all something new.  I love research.  Its so fun.  Today I needed my supervisor for just a little longer than his ride was willing to wait, so I took him home.  I took him home and ate dinner with his family.  Thats not something that happens for everyone.  I'm just so glad I get along so well with my "boss".

Fortunes and Food

Have you ever eaten at Panda Express?  Today I decided to give it a try.  I'm a big oriental food fan.  I'm especially fond of General Tsao and Orange Chicken.  The most fun comes from eating with chopsticks.  I  learned at a relatively young age how to use them, and I've kept trying ever since.  I like to eat anything I can with chopsticks, even jello and ice cream.  I knew that Panda Express was the equivalent of Chinese fast food so I didn't know what to expect.  On the one had the service was very quick...on the other it really wasn't that good.  It was decent, and food nonetheless, but it just didn't spell out chinese food the way I've come to appreciate it.  So....the pluses: quick chinese food, free chopsticks, relatively cheap price, and it will fill you up.  Minuses: Greasier, non-fresh tasting, harder or chewier than normal (from being kept over time), no authenticity.  I'm not saying I wouldn't go there again, but I would much rather find an authentic chinese food resteraunt.  Ah, don't forget the fortune cookies.  Fortune cookies are always good...or at least I haven't had bad ones yet.  Anyway, this time I got two fortune cookies, probably because they thought I was buying for two = - P.  One said, "you will receive some prestigious prize or award" and the other, "To reach distant places, you have to take the first step".  I think that if anyone is depressed the need a fortune cookie.  I've never seen a negative one.  Can you imagine a resteraunt telling someone they would die a terrible untimely death?  Its just not good business.  As for the prize or award...I think I already got it.  I am the proud owner of someone's heart.  Thats the biggest prize I could ever win.

Testimony Meeting

I've always wondered why testimony meeting in many family wards is a long dragged out silence.  I'm sure that its not because they do not have testimonies.  Perhaps its the fact that we are all fasting and therefore have terrible breath.  Then again it could be the fear of getting up and speaking to an audience, unsure of what we will say.  Maybe we think they already know what we believe.  Whatever it is, the same problem seems to be complete reversed in a singles branch/ward.  This is indeed a strange phenomenon.  I look forward to having a missionary who bears their testimony all the time.  Maybe I'll get to hear a testimony more often. 

A Productive Day...Away From Work

Yay!  I did it!  I finally had a productive day without being at work.  This morning I woke up and got dressed up to go play soccer.  Then I drove to a nearby city where I had seen some soccer fields.  I spent the next three hours running, kicking, throwing, and juggling.  Luckily they had one of the straight "wall" goals so that I could kick it and use the rebound to kick again.  I never realized how much energy goes into each kick until I kicked repeatedly (about one kick for every two seconds) for several minutes.  Playing soccer by oneself isn't the most exciting thing however.  I'm thinking of trying to recruit some local people from the singles ward to come play each weekend.  It would give us all something to do and give us exercise...something I doubt the TV and computer are doing for us.  I know that most of the locals like soccer because we usually end up playing at the end of each FHE on Mondays.  Upon returning home from my work out (and getting a bite to eat) I focused my energy on cleaning up the yard.  This consisted of a lot of weed pulling, raking, and burning.   Initially I tried to burn everything in a barrel, but it was such a slow process that I knew I needed an alternative.  Conveniently placed to the side of the barrel is a big dirt pit...why it was there is beyond me, but it was full weeds.  I cleaned it up to the point where it was bare for several feet in diameter and then began a pile.  On one side of the pit was a dirt mound....probably from the dirt that had been removed to make the pit.  I stood there with a large shovel ready to pounce on anything I didn't like.  All in all it went pretty well....I saved some work for later (I admit to being exhausted) after cleaning up a good portion of the property.  I only singed a few hairs on the inner arm (looks like I shaved just below the wrist) and came away smelling like smoke.  When I came inside I took a shower, threw away my soccer socks (you should see the holes = - p ), and started laundry.  So, to recap....I worked out playing soccer, served my aunt by cleaning up her property, and finally did my laundry.  Final score: Anton 1, Lazyness 0.

2 Days, 2 Nightmares

Did you miss me?  I can't believe I went two days without writing....shame on me.  Just so you know I was punished though.  Every night that I didn't post something I didn't sleep well, the first night that included two nightmares...something rather uncommon for me.  I will try to be a little better about it.  Unfortunately I can't really get my creative juices going tonight.  I am extremely tired after staying up late last night.....hmmm....not sure I want to fess up to this........playing computer games.  It turns out that I am somebody that hates to lose.  I had to play until I won which was about 4 or 5 this morning.  Yeah, bad idea.  So I will get the sleep I need tonight and take a lesson learned.  Don't allow your pride to ruin your sleep.

Return of the Gremlins

Look out!!!  They may be after you next.  For sure these are the sneakiest most diabolic creatures known to man.  Our lab must have something they want, because we are constantly terrorized by them.  This time, they didn't even have the decency to wait until we were gone.

-------NEWS FLASH-------

The Boise VA Hospital had a security breach early this morning.  By 10:30am the saboteur had breached the research facilities located downstairs.  Somehow they managed to enter the ceiling panels without being spotted and found a way to cause leaks from the bathroom directly above.  Although it was intended to appear as an accident the scoundrel was not able to escape without being sighted by VA employees.  Unfortunately the gremlin was able to escape and thwart the attempts of local security to trace it.  In the mean time warm bathroom water began to fall from the ceiling tiles in large quantities.  An employee was heard to say, " It was like every 5 second another bathtub of water would completely drain through the ceiling tiles onto our workstation.  It damaged the chair, several papers, and compromised the sterile equipment of that entire section."  Emergency assistance was requested and promptly filled by the VA repairmen.  Due to the security lock down of the research area, an employee had to be posted at the door to swipe their card and allow repairmen in and out.  10 minutes, and 13 repairmen later the leak was finally sealed.  The employee of that section were all sent home while housekeepers spent the remainder of the day trying to salvage the lab.  The gremlin ambassador was unavailable for comments.  A repairmen stated, "This accident could have easily been avoided.  Someone will get in trouble for this."  For the time being, researchers are being asked to bring umbrellas as proactive protection against anymore mishaps.  Local authorites ask that citizens be vigilent and report any suspicious activity immediately.  Those who have information regarding the whereabouts of any gremlins may receive a reward in exchange for that information.  This is Notna the Suspicious signing off.

Anton Through The Looking Glass

Even though everything seems to be working out right on the path to reach your goals, there will be difficult and challenging days.  Sometimes it is because the work required is more than the energy you have.  Sometimes you are tired of spending every ounce of your emotions.  Sometimes, it is difficult to know that as much love as you have given, it isn't near the amount you wish to give.

At times I look at the mirror wondering on which side of the glass I am.  Do I remember who I am, or do I become an image; a mere shadow of the real me?  I want so much to accomplish my goals, but they are often distant and all the more difficult to achieve.  I confess to having days where I could sit and cry all day long.  The pain of being distanced from loved ones, the pain of having so far to go, and the pain of being less than what I aspire to be all surround me.

I don't dare to complain.  The blessings I have received are far greater than that I deserve.  Nonetheless I want to be more.  I want those blessings to mean something.  In no way should my pains and difficulties give the appearance of depressions or self pity.  All I mean is that the path I tread, like the paths trodden by each individual is a very difficult one.  Seeing how far I have to go makes me realize I will never do it alone.  Thank goodness there is help along the way.  Many of our paths meet in places we did not expect.  In the end we may find we are all going the same direction.  Some of us will be standing, others sitting, or falling.  Let us take courage together to raise up and move forward.  Progression is so much easier when help is near.  We will always have help.  There is one who knows what path we have taken.  He knows where we are on the path, what we are doing, and what we are thinking.  He has been in every situation and He conquered every one.  If anyone can show us the way forward it is Him.  Christ is our friend and guide.  We will never be lost so long as we ask for His assistance.

My near future holds many difficult challenges.  I seek courage in the refuge of family, friends, and God.  With them in sight the future looks bright, and that makes all the difference.

Love

LOVE

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words

Frontiers

New, Undiscovered, Change, Different, Unknown......These five words will all at one time or another be part of our lives.  It doesn't matter how prepared you are for the future, the future will change and eventually you will be asked to do something "blindly".  I consider such acts, acts of faith.  Why is it that we are so afraid of the unknown?  Are we all so pessimistic to believe that an unknown or unplanned future automatically means and unhappy or unsuccessful future?

Working in a scientific laboratory has helped me to become comfortable with the unknown.  Many times I wonder if I've done a procedure right or if the results looked good.  How do you measure the success of something done for the first time?  Many times we are happy to see anything just because it means the procedure has potential to work.  Other times we actually have an idea of what we should see.  I have learned to be patient because many times I had the correct results, but I couldn't see them yet.  Its so entertaining to run experiments with steps that span more than one day because one day I can be completely convinced of a failure only to return the next day to find that the laboratory fairy placed results over night.

Even in the lab there are some principles that apply to life in general:

1. A perfect standard helps us to see where we are and where we could be.
2. Many washings are necessary to prepare for the ideal state
3. If marked correctly we can be noticed amongst the millions
4. If you don't see anything its because you still need to wait or something else needs to happen, something is there....trust me
5. The slightest deviations from protocol can have an adverse effect on the desired outcome
6. You can't always do things exactly how you want to, unexpected things happen, many times there is nothing you can do about it.  Just move on and figure a way around it.
7.  If the results are not what you expected that is not necesarily a bad thing, many of the best discoveries are complete accidents.

Typical Entertainment

What do you do when you get bored?  Do you allow your brain to be sucked out by the species known as "screens"?  Or do you get into mischief trying to create your own fun?  Every day is different for me, but for your entertainment I will share with you a little of mine.  I was being convinced that I should eat dinner when I decided to get my entertainment for the night.  The following is a online chat conversation between my very patient and beautiful girlfriend and myself:

"(Getting down on one knee), addressing her by her full name........will you...."- Me

"I'll log off"- Her

"pray with me tonight?"- Me

":)  Yes, I'll pray with you tonight after you eat!!!"- Her

"(Still on one knee)"- Me

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"-Her

"And will you study scriptures with me too?"- Me

"Yes"- Her

"Ok, maybe, just maybe I'll survive this hurt knee then." -Me

"?"
"Your knee is hurt?"
"I'll kiss it better" -Her

"Why do you think I got down on one knee?  The other one is hurt!" -Me

"Hahahahahahahahahaha" -Her


Well, I thought it was fun enough.  Just a few words of caution, make sure you know your audience....this could go horribly wrong.  :p

Sabotage??

I've finally come to the conclusion that my lab is under attack.  Though our research, experiments, and the entire facililty for that matter take tremendous efforts towards maintaining a high level of security, we must have been infiltrated.  There is just too much evidence mounted against coincidence.  Here are some of the many "solid" evidences:
Exhibit A (This sounds familiar)- The doors continue to be uncooperative.
Exhibit B - Sneezes occur at the least convenient time, contaminating the data and potentially destroying the experiment.
Exhibit C- Nobody needs to go to the bathroom until the part of the experiment that is time sensitive.
Exhibit D- Experiments are running all by themselves (Nobody claims to have started the machine though it was set up, almost completely right)
Exhibit E- Acrylamide gels have become kamikaze,  throwing themselves to the bottom of the sink and working their way down the drain thwarting all attempts to complete experimentation.
Exhibit F- There has been a long gigantic quiet in the world of scientific conspiracies for some time (in other words, its about time one surfaced).

This having been said, everything is a conspiracy..... but seriously we have had some strange mishaps in the lab.  If you want more details, you'll have to ask.  Most of the stories are actually quite hysterical.  Funny....but wrong......(or not).  Good night!!

Poetry

I'm not skilled at a lot of things, but today I felt like poetry.  Enjoy.

Surprises loom 'round every corner
The good we see
The good we feel
It raises us anew

Soon clouds will bring us grey
Then trials and pains
Tears and frowns
These also we must do

Don't give up
The wind will blow
The sun will reappear
And happiness will ring most true

-Anton

Yummy....feet?

When I was in high school I was terribly afraid of public speaking. I was terrible at it. It came to the point where I either had to fix the fear or start bringing a paper bag. I chose to work on becoming a better speaker. I enrolled into two clubs: Speech and Mock trial. Between the two I finally became a decent speaker and I increased my vocabulary significantly because elegant words came easier. In Mock trial I learned of the importance of saying what you mean and realizing the ways your sentences and phrases can be misunderstood or misinterpreted. In other words, beware of double meanings. I thought I had learned my lesson. Not so.

Tonight I graced myself with a beautiful foot in mouth situation. Yup, a nice, yummy, chewy foot. Since I arrived in Boise to do my internship I have attended a local singles Family Home Evening (FHE) every monday night. This last Friday there was a party with the same group. While I was there a girl walked in somewhat late. Many at the party addressed her by a nickname I can only assume was meant in a derogatory context. For sake of making this experience unpersonalized we will say that name was "Bob".

This evening for an activity we were playing ultimate frisbee. Said girl was not playing but the frisbee almost hit her several times. Trying to be polite I wanted to tell her to duck down but I didn't know her real name. I tried on several occasions to get her attention so I could figure out her real name. I even asked around a little bit, but to no avail. Near the end of the night I finally got her attention. "Hey, what's your name so I don't have to call you "Bob"?", I asked. Oops, how did that slip out? What's your name would have been sufficient. Disgrace flushed her face and she immediately walked out of the building. Unfortunately some in attendance must have known the punch line because laughter and ooooooos filled the room. Let me tell you, feet do not taste good, so don't put them in your mouth. On a happier note I finally found out what her name was, though she will probably never show her face, and if she does she will avoid me at all costs. So to "Bob", sorry I'll never say it again.

Getting Older

Remember swinging at the park, going up and down on the teeter totter, and flying down the slide? How about running for no apparent reason? Games of tag, kick the can, hopscotch, jump rope, tetherball, and red rover. We live an incredibly active life as youth. Why can't we go to the park anymore? What is it that keeps us from going? I noticed today that I have fallen victim to something called aging. A process by which I lose the ability to react as quickly and my jokes stop being funny. Today I pulled out in front of a car thinking I would have enough time to get going. In my defense, my car has had trouble accelerating lately. Nonetheless it made me aware that I should be a little more careful. Yay for me.

The Small and Insignificant

There are so many small and insignificant things in the world we live in. The feel of the carpet to the bare foot. The gentle breeze from a fan hidden somewhere not readily noticable. As I turn of the lights and the glow from my laptop stretches out, stars appear on the ceiling. I could spend an entire lifetime in a single room and call it my universe. The thread of the carpet is small and insignificant to what I feel and observe. Yet it is there and without it, it wouldn't be the same. Outside of this room there are more rooms each with similarly small and insignificant components to themselves. To someone else, this may be a universe. So the scales continue to roll back one by one, until I am the small and insignificant, perhaps less noticeable than the thread of carpet or the sparkle that appears as a star on my ceiling. So big, then so small. When will I discover it all? Do I care about the threads and the sparkles? Perhaps not as much as I should. I am noticable to some and to me spoiled in the attention I receive. So little I do. Thank you for noticing, I will try better to notice you. To God we are all noticed. As small and insignificant as we may seem He knows us all. He cares. He loves us. If only we could all care as much as He does. Have a great Sunday my nameless audience. Remember to tell those you notice that you care and that you love them.

Story time

Once upon a time there was a magical place and a magical time when things were not as they seemed. In such a magical place there was a hustle and bustle of many a person. They would all smile as they went on their way. Crossing one another here and there, it all seemed to have a robotic flow to it. Where it went and from whence it came was all in the eyes of the beholder. With so many people your neighbor constantly changed. In this magical place there was a funny tradition. Excitement boomed as this weekly tradition soon approached. They hopped and skipped a few hours before, then with great fury the tires would soar. Yay, yay, it has arrived! Happy "Don't have to work until Monday"!!! It seemed so exciting for most, but not all were so excited. In every story there is someone or something different than most. We meet a scrooge or a grinch, a hero or heroine (female hero??). In todays story we meet an unusual subject. In the hundreds that go from here to there, there is no excitement for this one... not to go anywhere. At work or at home, in transit or not...it doesn't matter, for it all seems the same. Hooray for "Don't have to work until Monday???", no not to him. He is all alone yet again. How ever will he survive the two days that lie between this week and next? Perhaps he will blog, or eat ice cream, or something else to make himself fat. Perhaps he will be more productive by cleaning, or sleeping, or fixing.... something like that. Luckily our story too has a hero. Through the waves of air that seperate this place from that; there our hero is, just doing what they do best. They are an encouraging word, a voice of concern, and a person who cares. They are love, hope, and beauty combined. Though distance there is, 'tis not greater than the comfort felt by the heart of a grateful boyfriend. Thank you my dear for just being you. This is my story, at least, until happily ever after...

Doors with personality

Have you ever paused to contemplate the major crisis it would be if all the doors united in rebellion? What if every door we used decided to have a mind of its own: opening and closing as it desired, as well as locking and unlocking whenever it pleased? We would suddenly have a very difficult day ahead of us. Imagine going to the refrigerator to get yourself some nice cold milk. Yeah, that's not gonna happen today. Work? Nope, you are gonna be locked inside. Who dares to take a shower? We are so dependant on doors. So now I can see you contemplating to yourself..."How in the world did he get on a rant about doors?" Well, believe it or not...the doors were in open rebellion against me today. Carefully weigh the evidence as I enlighten you with my experience. Exhibit A: I was awakened this morning when my aunts maid turned on the light. We both nearly died as the awkwardness of the situation settled in. THE DOOR WAS OPEN (I always close it at night). Exhibit B: At work we use magnetized cards to get into otherwise restricted laboratories. Two of my co-workers were having trouble getting in because the door simply didn't like them. Exhibit C: I arrived home from work to find the door locked (and I don't have a key) so I called my Aunt on the phone to get her to unlock the door. Soon I can hear her on the other side yell...."It is unlocked!" She tried locking and unlocking the door several times, wiggling the knob, even pushing and pulling on the door. I did the same on my side. Our efforts were in vain. I eventually had to go in a different door. What made the door lock that way? We still can't figure it out. Doors....I'm on to you. All those within observation of this blog, beware of your doors, their day draws nigh.

Cinnamon Rolls...Happiness rolled and baked to perfection

I love to bake; to bake, to cook, and to create flavors that can change an entire days outlook. Cinnamon rolls for a poor college student can represent a state of happiness not easily achieved elsewhere. It is a little bundle of joy wrapped again and again in sweet softness, drizzled with liquid smiles. No matter what kind of day you have at work, you can come home to those rolls you made, and they will be waiting...patiently. They don't judge you, have you complete impossible tasks, or wonder if you will fail. They are confident in you. You made them, so of course you can handle them. Having made them yourself you receive an extra dose of pride as you gulp down the delicious treat that will eventually clog your arteries. No guilt from this baker....I deserved my cinnamon roll today. I worked hard pushing figures around on paper and on excel trying to prepare the next experiment in our research project at the hospital. Down in the basement I am deprived of food and drink (they call it safety protocol) as an evil disguise for torture. As if this wasn't enough, they block the faintest glimpses of sunlight with curtains that look just like the electrophoresis gels I run day and night. Is it a coincidence? I think not. We are constantly reminded that our lives now revolve around the repetiveness of simple laboratory procedures and this blocks all hopes for joy or sunshine. Perhaps our work is just a cover for the real experiment. Maybe I am the lab rat. Regardless, I deserved my cinnamon roll.

Sometimes, Tuesdays are Mondays

Isn't it strange how the first work day of the week seems to bring dread with it? Monday is a day portrayed as a day of great mishaps, especially in Garfields world. Today was my Monday. It wasn't particularly a good day, but it started my week nonetheless. On a happier note, knowing my monday has passed, it only gets better from here on down to the weekend.

Patricia was here for yesterday. She had flown up for Valentine's Day weekend and I enjoyed spoiling her with Boise's best cuisine. Perhaps her absence was the worst of todays evils. I miss her terribly already. Tomorrow brings with it hope... the fire that drives all humanity. If we have no hope than we have lost everything. Looking into the future I have hope, hope that I will finally get to be with the one I love. Hope will keep me afloat.

Introduction

Here I am writing to a nameless audience. The next few months will be lonelier than most, not because I am alone, but because I will not be complete. What do you do when against all odds you are asked to seperate for a time from the one you wish to spend an eternity with? Could you do it willingly? Enter my life, a story so bizarre that it should be a novel. It seems like a romance/drama. Juliet is taken away and romeo fights desperately to await the moment when she will return to him.

Let me introduce my story from the beginning. Last May I took a roadtrip with two friends to go see a friend getting married in Texas. The three of us were attending Brigham Young University-Idaho in Rexburg, Idaho at the time. I was a groomsman, and my partners in crime: a bridesmaid, and the maid of honor. It was at the wedding reception that I met an enchanting young woman named Patricia. Near the end of the reception I approached her and muttered something to the effect of, "Can I have your digitals?" Despite the hideous approach I was rewarded with 10 numbers that forever changed my life. From that night on (with perhaps one or two exceptions in 9 months) we made it a habit to talk to each other. Patricia is from the great state of California, and I hail from the deserty Northeastern Oregon. Yup, you guessed it. A long distance relationship. It was definitely hard for me to open up, I had never been in a relationship before and a long distance relationship required a great deal of commitment, honesty, and pure communication. It wasn't long before we both found ourselves falling in love and looking to further our relationship.

After one of the few visits we shared together it became apparent that we were both looking toward a permanent future together. However we were met with an interesting twist to our relationship when God made it clear that Patricia needed to serve a mission before considering a future with me. To those acquainted with LDS culture this may come to you as a bit out of the ordinary. Well, its not exactly what we expected either, but we know that its right. In January Patricia received her mission call to serve in the Manila Philippines mission and to learn Tagalog. She reports to the MTC March 31 of this year. I intend to keep this blog for those interested in our story. I will keep it updated with the news I receive from her, her family, and friends. In addition, I will keep a personal journal of my feelings, actions, and desires in the 18 months without my fair lady.