Juice

As the engine to my car comes to a calming silence the call has already made its way to me.  Music from "Chariots of Fire" begins as I try to make a sudden dash towards the house.  Keys may fall, feet may trip, I may fall, but the yearning continues.  Naturally the fall stops the music like a broken record.  Summoning strength from beyond the realms of taste, hunger, and satisfaction....I rise to my feet only to find the music renewed in its energetic vigor.  Finally I reach the screen door.  In my haste I don't expect a locked screen door.  It is only a matter of milliseconds before momentum proves its has a secret lethality to it.  Like a fly just hit by a fly swatter, my face and the screen become one.  Naturally there is a bounce or recoil effect and therefore I stammer backwards with a newly printed mesh grid upon my face.  I have not been defeated, I cannot be defeated...at least not easily.  Maybe I should change music.  I change the channel and suddenly my resolve is doubled as I hear "We Are the Champions" play in my head.  I charge the screen door again, this time coming to a halt just before hitting it.  My key enters and turns....I think it was the right way.  Anyway the screen door begins to sob as I triumphantly swing it open.  Door #2 now stands in the way.  We all know that Door #2 has a secret hate for me.  Time and again it has jammed itself just to see that I am unable to get in.  Today it was the sneakiest of all, it opened without complaint.  As I cautiously passed through, I half expected a blade to fall like a guillotine.  I know that I will have nightmares tonight of what the door secretly has planned.  For now, I passed it without problem, a red letter day to be sure.  Ahh, by now you have forgetten the reason for all this rush, but I haven't.  I know where it is, I know what I want, but I still have to do my chores.  With superhuman power I manage to blaze through two more doors to collect the mail without breaking a sweat.  I fill up several smaller water bottles with a gallon of water displaying my feats of grace and balance.  Then I clean up the water on the floor that started flowing upwards as though gravity had suddenly changed, that or else maybe there wasn't as much grace and balance as I originally submitted, but its ok, we all have our downfalls.  Finally the time has arrived.  As I swing open yet another door a cool breeze sends goosebumps up my arms and I shutter with delight.  Orange, purple, or yellow.....hmmmm, decisions, decisions.  I grab the purple and hug it tenderly.  I nuzzle it up against my chest feeling the curves and contour of a container I am all too happy to see.  In leaps and bounds I make my way up the stairs, hitting my head on the shallow roof in the process.  It doesn't matter, I am seconds away.  I jump to my bead, bottle in hand.  Slowly I release the captive and am sent into a feeling of utopia.  With every gulp I am refreshed 1000 times over.  I put the lid back on and bundle up into the fetal position, protecting my prized posession.  Juice.  Today it was grape juice.  Every day I come home to juice and if there is no juice it isn't home, the store is my new home.  I deny being carried away with or being addicted to juice.  I just like it....a lot.  Drink juice, its good!

Host

I find it intriguing how many times I become a host while at my Aunt's residence.  I have hosted at least 5 different friends and also my direct family all within the last month.  Its incredible how they seem to find me, even when I'm out in the middle of nowhere.  I love having company.  Having my friends near keeps my spirit alive.  In contrast to the lonely evenings I am frequented with due to the nature of my internship, their warm smiles, and seperate circumstances are a brilliant display of fresh air.  At times I feel like the sage whom travelers seek out for advice, rest, and healing.  In no way do I lay claim to any of these abilities, but the way they look at me pierces my soul with the presumption.  I cannot explain why, for in no way have my travels and experiences made me any more qualified to help than any other random sap.  In the world I am a nobody, barely worth being recognized at all.  People will search where they will, I just find it ironic that so many have sought where they have.  I am a host.  So come one, come all.  I am your friend and will take you in.  Whatever you need I will try to supply.  This has been the desire of my life from the beginning.  I am a medic, a host, a friend....I am here to give freely, and I joy in it.

Sick

Today I finally heard from my girlfriend for the first time since she arrived at the MTC.  Her family was kind enough to forward an e-mail to me.  She has already learned a little bit of the language she will be speaking, Tagalog.  It was so good to hear that she is doing so well in every way....well, except the fact she got swine flu the day she arrived.  You will have to forgive my snickering because we both feel the same way about it.  Its pretty common for one of us to say to the other, "You would!"  Well, that's just her luck.  Although I am genuinely concerned for her, I know she is fine and will continue to be.  She is learning and loving every moment of it.  Better to get sick in the MTC than in the Philippines anyway.  I have to admit that I had a pressing desire to know of her well being, like I knew something wasn't completely right.  At the same time I knew that she was doing well.  Turns out that I was right.  Now that I know she had the swine flu, the feeling makes sense and everything is just fine.  I love being this close and sharing all I can with her.  My daily letters have been full of encouragement and simple advice.  A portion of me has been called to the Philippines to serve a mission for God.  That has helped me to begin preparing myself a new so I can serve when called upon, in what ever form that may come.  Maybe it will just be a letter to say hi and it will be alright.  Maybe it will be an occasional story from my own mission.  Sometimes it could just be the knowledge that I am here, waiting and working hard to make it something even better to come home to.

Easter

Its been a while since I've had a "normal" easter.  I don't think I've dyed eggs in over 3 years.  Its funny how that happens when you get out on your own and are always busy.  Thats okay, its not the egg dying that I miss, or the scavanger hunt, or the candy.  What I miss most is the family and time we shared together.  The true purpose of easter however is Christ and in conference today it was focused on Christ, the way it should be.  I can't help but think that this was the best conference I 've ever been a part of, but I likely say that every time.  Its just so refreshing to get a new dose of God's word.  It may not even be something new per-say, but the way it is spoken may catch me in a way I never thought about it.  In short it was a very good Easter.

Thoughts

It seems that when we least feel like doing something, that becomes of greatest worth.  I doubted for a while whether or not to listen to the third session of general conference tonight.  Eventually I went even missing the opening song and prayer in my indecision.  However, what happened from that moment on captivated me.  The talks were brilliant many of which seemed specifically tailored to me, my thoughts, and my current circumstances.  Ronald A. Rasband spoke about missionary service and I couldn't help but think of a certain missionary I miss dearly.  He shared an experience of getting to witness first hand and even participate in the process for assigning a missionary to a mission.  His thoughts were very comforting to me and made me reminesce of when I was called to Bolivia.  Deiter F. Uctdorf spoke about patience a rare virtue, but something I have been fortunate enough to be well acquainted with.  With that in mind I learned even more about the subject and am excited to improve upon that newly acquired knowledge.  I am more confident in what the future holds.  To put it plainly, it was exactly what I needed to hear.  President Eyring spoke of diligence something I am striving to improve on in conjunction with patience.  All the talks were excellent in all three sessions.  I am so thankful to have living prophets and apostles to raise me up even if I'm just starting to slouch or walking straight.  We can always walk a little taller, but sometimes we don't know that until someone from higher ground can point it out.  I know that my fair lady also enjoyed and learned a great deal from what was said.  I can feel it.  With a brighter perspective I look forward to tomorrow with great anticipation for the final two sessions.

Weekend

Thank goodness for general conference this weekend.  I am excited to hear from the leaders of the church and learn what things I should focus on.  There is a distinct advantage to having conference this weekend; that being that I will be busy the majority of the day.  I was a little worried what weekends might bring me now that I have been completely isolated.  It was always hard enough of a struggle, so the additional absence of my girlfriend wasn't going to make it easier.  This way, we will be watching the same thing at the same time.  In a sense we will be together this weekend and I plan to enjoy every moment of it.  Again I say thank goodness for general conference.

Snow

I can't help but feel my world has suddenly turned upside down.  I am living winter in the spring, but it is still spring.  I hear that it is spring break for many people and yet I walked out to a snow storm this morning.  Ironic how the weather can so accurately describe my life.  Spring is thought of as a time for life, growth and beginning.  Winter symbolizes endings, and perhaps sadness.  Snow is purity, tranquility, and splendor.  Combining the three thoughts can accurately describe my life.

As my fair lady enters missionary service it is the end of easy communication.  It is met with reluctant sadness.  Though I am sad to be seperated yet again there is a great calm inside me.  Everything is just fine and I am amazed at the possibilites this new adventure opens.  It is the beginning of a new life.  Our relationship will grow stronger and deeper than ever before.  I can see you there wondering why I could think such a thing.  Consider this.  My fair lady and I finally have to try.  Her focus is clearly on something else as it should be for the time being.  We will have to work harder than ever to keep our fire burning within.  No phone calls, no random visits, just good 'ol snail mail.  Our goals will be united as we support each other.  As she serves she will gain an understanding and appreciation for the service I once conducted in Bolivia.  We are set on bettering ourselves for the greater good, something that makes us shed the shell of childhood and emerge as responsible adults.

Snow could have been a bad thing for me today, especially because I am not particularly fond of cold weather.  However, it was seen as a blessing to make me stop and think.  My world could easily seem upside down, but all I need to do is straighten up and find my bearings.  Snow is a good thing, even in April.