How to destroy your stomach

I usually pride myself on my cooking abilities and decisions, but recently I have been way to lazy and I'm suffering for it dearly.  The other day I figured I'd make a nice salad, but the lettuce had frozen and it had sat there a while.  Oh well, its just going to be a little soggy right?  Mistake number 1.  Then I was like I should have egg mcmuffins.  I don't have canadian bacon so I'll just use bacon.  Well, I have a whole bunch of bacon thats about to go bad so I decide to cook it all up at once.  Mistake number 2.  You should have seen the amount of grease left behind.  With this grease I decided to cook my eggs because I had no oil to keep the eggs from sticking to the fry pan.  Mistake number 3.  Too much grease and not cooked well enough on the inside.  As if that wasn't bad enough, I found out the lunch meat I had been eating all week had been expired for a while.  Mistake number 4.  Ok, he couldn't possibly have screwed up worse than that right?  Enter mistake number 5.  I bought some chinese a few days ago and instead of re-heating it I just ate the cold chicken the way it was dipped in cold sweet and sour sauce.  It didn't taste too bad, but the stomach immediately let me know that one was stupid.  To top it all off I haven't been getting enough water lately.  I'm not use to working in a laboratory where water bottles are forbidden.  In effect I have to plan and go out of my way to get enough water.  That really doesn't happen much for me.  End result?  Headache, fever, dizziness, diarrhea, etc.  Smooth....real smooth.  I suggest being a little wiser than me in your dietary choices.